I took a leap of faith.
Sharing feelings that left me feeling vulnerable but came directly from my heart.
The highlight of my week is my piano lesson. I love it so much. I’ve had 3 now. My teacher is a darling.
It’s the only other thing I do online apart from all those Microsoft team meetings that I am forced to do for work.
I certainly have absolutely no interest in communicating in that way beyond. It maybe the future but not mine. Similarly to social media, It’s real people all the way for me.
The rest feels like being part of a human zoo.
They haven’t caught me yet. I guess I’m a breed that one day will be extinct.
I just can’t find any real feeling in any of it but I’m sure for many it provides an escape from loneliness and/or a way of keeping in touch with minimal effort.
I am feeling that loneliness too but just in moments. I can definitely have too much time to think.
And I totally miss seeing people I love.
Often Im pretty happy on my own but sometimes I wish to be part of more. I just need the balance that’s all.
My biggest fear with all of this is that people will get so used to communicating in this virtual way that they won’t want to socialise in person anymore.
Everyone will be living in their virtual worlds and I will be living in the real world all by myself.
Well there’s a turnaround.
Anyways I position my laptop so that A can see my fingers on the piano keys and talk me through the basics.
I’m learning faster than I imagined despite the fact that there is a lot of logic involved. But I guess when it has a real purpose that I care about, it seems that I am able to engage that part of my brain. Proper finger placements as I play my scales. I love the intricacy of it. Being able to move my fingers along the keyboard in a particular way means that I will be able to play more difficult music in time to come. However as my teacher keeps telling me, it’s much more important to be able to feel it. Forget the metronome, you need to feel the beat inside yourself. I like her even more.
I feel that beat.
It feels so exciting to learn something completely brand new.
That doesn’t involve taking care of others but is about creating something wonderful for my own inner happiness and pleasure.
I happily share everything, but right now this is just for me.
It feels really amazing when I sit at the piano and I start to play.
I know that polish R in the flat upstairs will be hearing me. I love listening to him. Oh to be able to play like that.
Practice practice practice.
I’m also remembering how to read music which I haven’t done since I was at little school and I played recorder and violin. I say the word “played” loosely. I hated playing the violin. Probably because I didn’t choose it. It was just a given.
Really I wanted to be a drummer.
I rarely remember details in facts but I have always loved music so much and I guess what I really love, are the things that stay inside me and I remember. It didn’t require much prompting.
And It’s really helping me to move along more quickly and get the most from my lessons and means that I can use my girls old piano books to practice other tunes.
I would wish to book five more lessons if I could but I can’t afford them. I found this in a very lucky moment and am making the most of my time.
I will learn as much as I can in the next two lessons and then take over teaching myself. There are always freebies on utube. Plus I ordered a book which should help.
I feel like I have finally found a hobby that I love and really suits me and it is just making me really happy.
I wonder often if I had opportunities to try things I loved when I was young what I might have done with my life.
I guess that’s why I always encouraged my girl to try different things and when she found things she loved to follow her passions and be happy in the moments she feels happy. A phrase that was given back to me a couple of weeks ago and I’ve been holding very close to my heart.
Perhaps I will never be a concert pianist but as with everything that I have a care for, I put my heart and soul into them.
I guess if you judge success by the outcome then I will never be a winner. But if you judge success by the happiness and love that is created and felt along the way then i think you will find I’m in a simple little league of my own.
Feel my music! ❤️