My Real!

Sometimes people think I am fluffy.. A dreamer who lives with her head in the clouds…

I look at my posts so far and it’s like,  where’s the real life in that? It’s all magic and music and feeling.. If I read it I might think, who is  this is a person… what does she know of real life with her trips to Lisbon and talk of love..

There is a beautiful horse chestnut tree that lives outside my little bedsit. One of five flats in an old Victorian house that in its heyday would have been magnificent but has felt very unloved through the years..
It’s one of those trees that could almost be overlooked because it stands quietly alone away from all the other beautiful trees which stand together along the street. With its huge solid trunk that protects those who seek security behind it. It’s branches are awash right now with beautiful red and gold leaves which on a sunny day are crisp and glistening in the light but on a damp and drizzly day like today hang limply ready to fall. This tree holds a lifelong history of secrets and just over a years worth of mine.
It stood steadfastly for me through the Autumnal changes, magically covered in snow during the long cold winter, providing hopefulness of fresh new buds in the spring and full of happiness in all its green and carefree glory during the summer.
How I love this tree. It is the first thing I see of the world outside when I open my blinds in the morning. Usually before, when I see its silhouette, like a gentle reminder that it is there…And the last thing I see before I close them, waving to me in the breeze to say you are safe in there. Nothing can get past me.

And yet that same tree was the reality of water coming through my ceiling last night as it shed its leaves into the drainage of the small balcony above and rudely awoke me from my peaceful dreams with water pouring down on my head.

Right now I have a million things I am trying to juggle..

And water cascading through the ceiling damaging the home I’ve worked so hard to create, a broken washing machine when I had just caught up, forgotten unpaid speeding fine that had resurfaced with a panic today, and worries of finding my next months rent for this palace…  These are all things that I could live without right now but are part of my reality….And  alongside that my day to day.. my girl, my jobs, real life..

I feel like I should be angry with that tree for adding to my worries.. doesn’t it know that I need to complete some work today and it’s thoughtlessness of drowning my home has stolen perfectly planned time I had set aside..

… And yet… I still love it.. as I sit to try and continue my work amongst the mess it has made, I can see it and it warms me to know that these insignificant problems will pass, that things will look differently again tomorrow and the next day.. That like this tree, I am made of strong stuff, with a heart as big and steadfast as that trunk, with constantly growing new branches of possibilities and magically changing leaves to  provide the extra sparkle .
One beautiful lone tree alongside the many.
That’s my real!


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