A muddy puddle

I spend my life feeling love but never really having the all encompassing answer of what it is. Love can’t be simplified in that way.
I have seen it categorised in versions that don’t really make any sense to me at all.
It has no relation to anything I have ever known or felt.. The ideas conjured up in media and marketing are so different to the realness or the uncontrollable force that it looks like to me. They provide a perfectly packaged image that is so unobtainable and unreal whereas mine looks messy and disjointed with the wrapper hanging off but with a strength that is unbreakable.
I came across Einstein’s universal force of love recently and it felt like the closest I’ve come to a description that makes sense to me. And yet in my mind it didn’t quite capture the quiet intimacy which is so much more personal. But as Einstein says, if everyone were to unleash all their love with all its might it would be a power beyond any force in the universe.
Because there are absolutely no rules to it whatsoever. It is a total mystery and that mystery, that wispy, invisible, untouchable, unexplainable, uncontrollable, confusing, frustrating, unbelievably amazingly beautiful element makes it all the more wonderful thing to try to capture. But capture it you never will for it is like trying to catch a moonbeam or wrap up a rainbow or bottle some magic that hits you on a particularly wonderful day.. it cannot be done. Or should it.
Love is freedom.

Love has a sense of humour. It plays with you.. it whispers in your ear and dances to songs that have no tune. It catches you when you least expect it and though you may run from it you cannot hide.
It is a feeling that shows itself in a variety of disguises… if you think you know what it looks like then think again because it is a chameleon which will blend into any background unseen or show itself in every colour. It is often depicted as a tornading waterfall but a muddy puddle feels closer to the real thing in my eyes. Perhaps that’s why children love to jump in them.
To love with defences just isn’t love at all. Because Love is vulnerability. There is no control to it. It strips away any sense and makes you act in ways that defy all logic and reason and can make you crazy. To try to control it is to lose it and and then you are just going through the motions.
Love is the biggest risk you will ever take to feel the greatest happiness or the purest pain you will ever know but to experience it is to feel alive. To have that happy even for a moment far outweighs any pain that may come after. It is what comforts us in our losses.

But love needs to be respected. There is such a power that lies within even a single drop …

As I walked to the tube station this morning listening to my favourite Christmas tune just a little earlier than I normally might, I am smiling at all those strangers who pass me. I wonder if they can see.
For I know that the greatest tragedy of my life would have been to have never felt it. I know love. I really know it and I have no need to search for what I fell in to. How lucky I am to have touched it with my fingertips if only for moments. That sparkle is the magic which lives inside me and will do forever. It is the dream of all dreams.
It’s what will always allow me to find my happy in the real, and when I struggle to find that, to give me the extra strength to just keep going.
Because I’m seeing that love doesn’t live beyond me, it lives inside me. The more I am able to love the stronger I become.
But then that’s just how I see and feel love. What about you? ❤️

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