A black sequin dress. Too much?!
I would have thought twice about a dress like that if I had been with someone else. I’m not necessarily a blend into the background kind of girl but I don’t particularly want attention either. Just happily mingling into the mix suits me.
But there was something about not wanting to feel like I was hiding behind all the people that were there with their loved ones whilst I was there all alone. I guess the dress had two purposes.
One.. to sparkle as much as the magic of this trip in all its “meant to be” glory and Two … to sparkle as a person in my own right.
Im just an average girl in a crazy world trying to be happy. And finding my way in recognising that I have things that make me special and unique and worth being interested in.
Dare I say it, at my best and even at my worst I am a person worth knowing and having in your life.
I love with a heart that is limitless. A heart that has been put through its paces but still beats as strongly as ever. With a heart like that I will always find happiness and hopefully give it to others too.
So into the theatre I walked. It was not as I imagined. I had pictured a very Italian Renaissance type building steeped in history. In contrast Teatro dal Verme was a new and modern theatre with sleek lighting and a tiny bar which was fairly empty when I arrived. The girl I once knew would have swerved that bar in being alone and found her seat, but on this occasion I was all in. So to the bar I went and ordered my glass of Prosecco and then found a spot to perch and watch all the people arriving. They were happily chatting and embracing in the excitement of seeing each other and the night ahead.
I felt like the stranger on the set of a movie. People looked across at me every now and then with more of an inquisitive glance as to why I might be stood there alone. Perhaps I’m waiting for someone.
No, Just me.
A message to a friend to share was all I needed.
As the time came to find my seat I was filled with such an excitement at the reality of something that at its conception had seemed like a fantasy. This one night to see a pianist I loved sounded so very pretentious but there is nothing pretentious about me. I’m a straight down the line girl from only fools roots. And yet the world is my lobster if I want it to be.
So I sat down in my seat in the middle of the theatre and waited for the lights to dim.
Electricity was rushing through me in anticipation. The people who finally sat next to me must have been able to feel it. Everything of my last year had led me to this moment and I was embracing it for all its significance.
It feels impossible to explain what that music felt like for me during that two hours in the dark. It was like my heart had been placed on that stage and was playing every feeling that I have felt over the past two years. In all its adventure, happiness, grief, hurt, sadness, fear, Isolation, love, magic, discovery, worry, confusion, darkness, clarity, friendship, trust. And Dreams.. always Dreams!
I don’t think I moved a muscle for the whole time I was so paralysed by the intensity of it all to the point that my heart felt completely exhausted when Ludovico played his final encore. I could not have wished or imagined a more perfect end to my day or my year.
There were moments where I felt so emotional in that room that It took me to a new place. With tears in my eyes it was a place of hope and new beginnings. And then it was over. Two hours that came and went but meant everything.
As I walked back in the cold night, fairy lights illuminating the route I had memorised, I was trying to capture in mind what I was feeling. As I laid exhausted in bed in that other black dress I wrote it down and shared it the next morning.
“Breathless. I came away feeling completely breathless. Like I’d been made love to and taken to perfect ecstasy. Like feeling so at one that all sense of what is real was lost and I was carried to a place of feeling, where every sense is so heightened and filled with so much pleasure that I never wanted it to end. It was like every dream I’ve ever felt rose up and became a reality. All of those dreamy feelings I’ve ever had to hide were allowed to live freely in that moment without fear and I took that moment. And it was wonderful. More wonderful than I can ever find the words to describe.
And knowing how this trip came about and the feeling I am left with…
To dream is to make reality more beautiful”
I could continue into my last day of my trip which was filled with a lot of lovely within a beautiful new shell. But this feels the right point to finish and start somewhere new.
And so this story ends. A story of following your heart and dreams, of being just you, of feeling fearless and brave and becoming brand new.
Thanks for being a place to share and for sharing with me.
How lucky I feel!