Fight or Flight… I choose Vulnerability

Vulnerability…
the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.
Doesn’t really sell itself in it’s definition. I hear this word a lot. And always in a very negative context. “It makes me feel vulnerable and so to combat it I need to show strength and power or become invisible.” Fight or flight.
I relate to it. At its worst showing vulnerability can leave you floored, wanting to run, feeling weak, not as good as others, broken hearted, sad, very hurt. I hear quite often about how the result of being or showing vulnerability has left a person feeling like they need to armour up and show a strength and power or indeed to hide completely both physically or emotionally to make sure that they are fully protected from the deeply unpleasant feelings that I’ve just mentioned. And this isnt me looking in like a stranger. I have known exactly what that looks like too.
In theory that fight or flight has its purpose. Definitely there is some defence against feeling shit short term. But long term is the pay off in never being vulnerable worth it?
No. I don’t think it is. Because what that ultimately costs is
Pure Connection.. warmth, honesty, openness, beautiful fragility, intimacy, risk taking, possibilities, and pure fearlessness in just being you.
In fact being vulnerable takes huge strength and courage far beyond the perceived strength in armouring up and fighting.
To allow yourself to be vulnerable says “ I know I may get hurt but I have the courage to take the risk whatever the outcome because I am being me and in being that I believe I will be happier.
Sounds so very easy when put so simply and it definitely is not .. but I find myself doing it more and more and more.
And the thing I am noticing is that yes I get hurt, or feel stupid, or embarrassed but less and less do I feel weak. In fact the total opposite. I realise that I pick myself back up from those things and keep pushing on. The risk in taking more chances which on the surface make me feel more vulnerable actually teach me a lot about who I am and what I’m made of.
They open up new possibilities in a way that armouring up or hiding did not.
Don’t get me wrong there are still moments where I am looking for that shield or a place to climb under. I’m human as we all are and believe me  when I say I certainly do not have any of the answers. I can only ever speak from my own experience but I am finding that there is so much freedom in that vulnerability that I am loving. In embracing it in all its good and it’s bad I’m finding that it helps me to fly just a little bit higher like that red balloon 🎈 I so love. And perhaps eventually
I will just float very quietly in the breeze, going wherever it takes me. Because ultimately I think it will take me to love.

 

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