Your Song

Such a lot of thoughts running around in my head tonight. Was taking a break from thinking and writing today. My brain and my heart can wear me out sometimes and the frivolous, fanciful and fun part of me kicks in and makes me light. So I figured what shall I do that feels mindless. A bit of sales shopping in Covent Garden. Where I bought a perfect new dress in Mango and a butterfly brooch for 3 quid in accessorize. Hidden away but anything that can fly is always captured by these eyes. I felt like I wanted to get something in the sale that would make me feel pretty and girly. And I knew it would be quieter there now on 6 January and it was. So I wandered in the last of the Christmas lights with quiet ease and space with no real thoughts other than ooohhh I love that, I hope they have it in small 😊 SMALL …
Childhood has been a huge theme for me this weekend and a lovely friend shared something when I got home tonight so beautifully potent in stirring a lot of feelings in me about my own childhood as well as some kids I know who add so much colour to my world in a way that they are unaware of. But they do. So much. Saying I feel privileged to know them sounds too stiff. In fact they light me up and make me feel glad to be human.
Their descriptions of things that can be unseen, overlooked, unappreciated are staggering and leave me in awe of them. Their uniqueness, their huge potential and their sheer beauty in both light and dark provide an insight into worlds within a world that very often leave me speechless but more so with such a proudness in their immense bravery and wonderfulness.
Since reading my friends thought of today I don’t think I have ever been so rooted to my chair listening to music feeling the weight of what being a human really is in all its fragility.
We are a product of what we have been and if ever I need to be reminded of motivation in trying to be everything I can be in whatever that looks like then thinking of childhood gives me that.
What a gift to be a mum. Every day I feel so lucky. What a treasured gift, in every joy a gift can be and that is so far beyond anything that was unwrapped over Christmas.
And even though I know that this gift is on loan until the day that she is ready to spread her wings and fly freely in the life that she creates for herself, I want her to know how much this gift is appreciated by me. Even when I get it wrong which inevitably I do despite all my efforts, I want to keep trying to get it right. Because what happens now will live somewhere inside her and when I dare to look out into the world where it is too vast to be its mum, it makes me realise that with her, I can be a mum to her in the best way I can. Knowing that the only lesson I ever got in this was from my own mum and what I’ve learnt in life. I’m hoping that the magic my mum possessed is passed down through generations like it is in those films.
Treasuring my girl in everything she was, is, and will be as well as everything she ever dreams of being always feels important to me. But rooted to this chair it has never felt so important as it does tonight.
I love you my girl. Everything single thing about you is beyond beautiful, you sparkle so brightly the world will need sunglasses 😎 and my belief in you is the same as the day you were born. Because You are special in every way in being you.
And as she will never read this I’ll remind her of that now knowing her response will be …
lol, you weirdo!!! 😊 love you!

Let us never stop twirling round the room to your song

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