On Saturday I found a magical new confidence through dancing and a red balloon.
I said I stole it but I did in fact ask my friend P whose birthday it was if I could take it. He hit me on the head with it as I left.
He is the handsome boy that all the girls are in love with… except me.. even my girl saw the photos and was like “he’s so good looking”. Yes.. he totally is.. the handsome guitar playing rockstar who is easy to chat to, fun and kind. What’s not to like. I absolutely get what they all swoon over .. but I just don’t. Never have. Just doesn’t do it for me. So what is IT?
Well “IT” is a feeling that you can’t explain. It’s something more. Beyond what is right in front of you and everyone can see, beyond what just makes someone a lovely person that you like being around and beyond them being easy on the eye.
Something more, that feels very primal.
It’s not the opposite. Like a one night stand. Animal attraction. Just want to fuck em and move on.
But I mean yeah, you totally want to fuck em, but all day, until it rolls into the next and beyond, with no care for what life looks like beyond that place and time. That listening to them talk is an aphrodisiac. There is electricity surrounding you which takes your mind all the way there without a single touch.
Chemistry as a scientist might call it, and with the best will in the world you can experiment but you cannot create it.
It’s either there or it ain’t.
My new found confidence is in knowing exactly what this feels like for me and only wanting it that way.
And while I wait I have a red balloon 🎈


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