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I felt irritated this morning. Why? Because of something that was said. And it was said as though it was on my behalf, as though I belonged in their club. I’m not part of anyone’s club.
And certainly not theirs.
I was already in a place of that thought from someone who had planted a seed a few days ago that left me wondering what are the clubs that people wish to belong to.
I am honest and straightforward. I am a girl who cares about people. I see their hearts first and on the whole I think most people have good ones. Of course we all have a past and get things wrong. But that doesn’t dictate who we are or where we can go. Perhaps I felt that less while I was sifting my way through my suitcase, trying to understand the impact of all its contents on where I am now. I’m planning to avoid making similar mistakes in the future if I can. Tough, but it was all learning for me as everything is.
But now I feel more of a blank page that I can paint any way I want to and anyone who tells me that I can’t or tries to put me into a particular box will get short change from me.
Don’t label me.
Because ultimately I am just a person who loves. I know how to be that person above all else.. and I like it. It is quietly powerful and makes me a strong person in a different way.
It doesn’t mean that I don’t have thoughts or opinions or that I am vacantly unaware. Like some giggly blonde bimbo. That one has been labelled on me in years gone by. I have never been that and appearances can be very deceptive.
Happy yes, dumb I am not.
I choose not to let initial thoughts influence those very human judgements of a person until I can really see them.
We are all different. I love that we are. I would be bored as hell if we weren’t.
There is also a big part of me that wants to protect myself. I don’t want to get hurt.
My naivety shows itself often in my willingness to believe in what sits in front of me.
But I know that I have a good heart and everything comes from a good place.
More and more I want to understand the world around me. This world feels big enough for everyone and yet there is forever the winners and losers. Which side do you take and then which sub team in those sides.
I think I choose to be on my own. Listening out for the stories and opinions from the various clubs that people align themselves to so I can try to work out how everyone might sit together. I know there are clubs that don’t accept me and ones that might want me
But I think I will just sit on my own and talk to the passers by.

 

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