The soft bubbly cocktail of powerful sunlight

Omg WEATHER!!! 😊 and this week… today.. I’m totally feeling it. Not only feeling it but having had just one hour of work, it is now mine.  While  I make my way to sunfilled skies whilst stuck behind the dustcart what better way to past time than to capture this magic feeling. Yep that journey from darkness back to raging sunlight was worth the pain. As K said, it will just make the light feel even brighter!!! You ain’t wrong babe.
This sunshine is dreamy and reflects my love for my beautiful L whose birthday it is today. What a special day that is … even without the Magic of Mite later. Not a single balloon will be seen gorgeous. Only my invisible red one.
I am so full of feeling like a bubbly little cocktail of fun and I think it is because last night I really recognised the amazing ness of being soft. A word that I and others have used about me as though it is a flaw. .. but like the delicate but heated rays of the sun, real strength shows itself with a light and golden touch.

Yesterday I sat in a room with my alpha male superhero league.
There is so much going on for us. Everyone is feeling the strain and take it from me, these guys are made of proper tough stuff.
But when I walked in that room despite the air of fearless testosterone that is always present I could feel something strangely different.
So I checked in after them and my boss called me out on it in the room. For a moment I wanted the ground to open up. We are tight, I trust them.
But the soft one ..Again! .. the girl who is fluffy and caring. That’s the label for a woman who is weak… isn’t it?
And yet in that moment I felt like I suddenly became the strongest person in that room. Because in saying how I had felt the room turned into something else. Superman told me after that it allowed him just for a moment to expose a little of his vulnerability.
When I think of his invincibility and commanding presence, having a moment of permission to remember and share an unimaginable sadness revealed him as the strongest I had ever seen him.
I fear my softness as it leaves me vulnerable but I don’t see it as a label of weakness. Despite the fact that the place to be now is “strong and powerful”. What exactly is that? in the modern world of women it can sometimes feel as though anything less than being just like a man means that you are feeble.
So then what does being a strong woman mean? Being in charge of yourself? Having the power to direct a group or a person to your way of thinking and being?
How does that show itself?
Sometimes it feels like it is now only seen in one way in women. And unfortunately it appears that it is only in those who show it through an outward kickass confidence. Often I see that play out in manipulating others lack of it and are just looking for acceptance. Isn’t that in fact satisfying some insecurity in themselves by making them feel stronger and more important.
I mean Insecurities.. we all bloody have them. However much we might try and hide them or pretend they don’t exist.
You don’t??? I don’t believe you!!!!
So if that is what power and strength is then frankly you can keep it. I don’t want it.
Perhaps I may never command a room with my presence, or sway people with my views, or have people falling over themselves to know me or have the ability to control others.
But I don’t want it or need it.
I am in the main in charge of myself faults an all. But I definitely care about others too. This life isn’t all about me.
And In being SOFT it provided safety for a room of powerful giants to just be themselves. If only for a relieving second.
I would much rather have that kind of influence than an ability to control or command. And for those that think that makes me weak.. well you can stick that where the sun don’t shine 😘

Because today I am a soft bubbly cocktail of powerful sunlight.

 

 

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