It never ceases to amaze me how life fits together in ways that are so coincidental but so connected that it leaves me permanently thinking.. is the whole of my life mapped out for me already? Am I constantly being signposted through the maze by magical and insignificant occurrences that are like breadcrumbs to the next destination. And if not, well I love them anyways. They are the exciting clues in the greatest treasure hunt ever which always ends up at destination smiles.
What a crazy, beautiful, warm, strange, fantastical, fun little world of chaos and fantasy that lives behind what everyone sees. As I travel on the train, to an actual destination of seaside for 3 days I find myself looking at the sunny world passing outside my window. I have often felt that pressure to fit in or adjust my world to fit with the massive.
Sometimes it has felt like if everyone else is singing the same lyrics they must be right and mine must be wrong. But I resist. And I wonder.. is it because like a big pink fluffy candy floss that mine
might be very deliciously bright and colourful and have no other purpose than to be just that. Maybe my lyrics aren’t meant to make sense.
Perhaps it’s not substantial enough for the massive as you taste its sweetness for a moment and then it melts and disappears.. but for me there is so much in those moments.
And If you want to take a walk just for a moment inside my mind to see how it feels then this is one strand of nothing and everything…
… I learnt about the cream content of French butter, I read something that made me laugh about sex and cats, my colleague mentioned a cafe she went to with her boyfriend which was filled with cats. It reminded me of cheese scones. A French man I once knew well talked to me at a party. I’d forgotten how sexy his accent was. I cannot remember a word he has ever said to me but it always sounded lovely. He reminded me of nibbles. I was thinking about primal responses and was given a lifetime of adventure. A night of booze and chat made me question what is good for me. Both “good and bad”. A little lonely person rocked me and my world greatly and I thought of a bigger person who rocks my world and embraces lonely. I went on a lazy river of discovery where I saw a very strange and different source of cheese that left me chuckling for days. I also found a comfortability in being able to say anything and everything and not worry. I connected Jerry to cheese..I saw the sunshine in soft and it made me proud. I went to see some magic.. it reminded me how I love sex because of the freeness of feeling. I cheekily created mischief on my family group chat.. and got the response I looked for. I met Tom. I was drawn to his childlike openness. He said you’re so pretty like I was 12 years old and that I had soft and beautiful eyes. I saw how easily I am captured by a Tom cat.
I was tempted for a second and it disappeared a moment later.
As I travelled home I told Jerry all about it.
I saw a little man. He asked if I thought he was bad. I told him he was magic so he introduced me to his imaginary friend and I introduced him to mine.
I looked into those soft eyes last night and finally knew they deserved everything they were looking for.
And so my search for cheese continues by the sea …