From a midnight ramble on Saturday night I have spent the past five days writing about what makes me smile, what makes me have fun and what makes me laugh and I mean laugh through the spectrums of inwardly laughing, outwardly smiling, giggling, and laughing to the point of uncontrollable, can’t stop myself till I can’t talk and I’m crying.
And I couldn’t stop writing. There was so much.. well everything actually. I never had so much to say about one topic.
I spent two years listening to talk of what laughter might be a cover for. And I never quite got it. Yes I smile sometimes even in sadness but in the gaps in between. When I’m sad I totally feel it and perhaps I keep it close to me only sharing with a few that I trust or in my blog but why wouldn’t I still catch the moments of happy around that. I always feel more happy than I ever do sad. The smiles and laughs have always been beyond a cover. They are about enjoying this one precious life in the way it deserves, wherever I can. What’s the point of spending a life with a long face.
I want to be the girl who makes moments memorable, happy and fun… well just rather lovely actually.
Life is full of knocks for everyone. Some have it harder than others and those smiles are harder to come by. So when they are not, and I very often think just how lucky I am, it would seem wrong not to embrace them and display them. How lucky life feels when you have things to smile and laugh about. After all laughter is the food of love.. the only food I have any real knowledge of.
I spent Tuesday evening writing about one of the funniest days of my life.
Which took place in a dingy bar in a back street of San Francisco where this New Zealand dude sitting next to me at the bar said five words to me that sparked a comedy day to beat all others.
Those words “she looks like the queen”
I won’t tell the story but in him saying what I was thinking, I moved into action, bringing a room full of characters to life, characters that felt beyond reality and created a moment of epic crazy fun that still makes me laugh twenty years later. Talk about random spontaneous party day/night to remember.
After I read it out I was described as bouncy.. with a childlike enthusiasm… and of course I bounced all the way home and in the days that followed. Just as I did that night in San Fran when I was bouncing all over the place like a ping pong ball, on the tram as it went up and down the hills on my drunken way home. I was crying with laughter that night.
And many others as I trawled through all the fun times that popped into my head. Yes.. in the right environment I am a space hopper. Very often in fact. Full of fun and silliness and laughter. And I love to be that. Why wouldn’t I. It sings out “it’s a wonderful life” where there is joy and fun to be had.
And I found myself thinking about laughter and love and how the two are so entwined. It’s impossible to have love without it. Laughter is the endurance.
When the early romance and butterflies, sweet nothings and picture perfect image moves on with time the laughter is what kicks in and makes love blossom into something more. It says that in finding funny amongst the difficult and the sad we have the power to make this life happy and that has always worked for me although I realised that you both need to have that. You can’t fix another or make them happy. They have to find it in themselves.
I found myself thinking about all the udder people who make me laugh and how. Playful, silly, saucy, bizarre, dry, one liners, clever wit, slapstick, farcical and overuse. Wow I could write for months on this. It’s like being given a gift every time they do something that makes me laugh. Like they are giving a little part of who they are and that tells me so much. And often it is when they don’t even realise they are being funny. They are just being them. And that feels like magic. Just being them can make me smile or laugh. Not a joke or a carefully thought out funny story but just in those little ways that feel so alien to me but are what makes them different and special. Sometimes it comes in a little off the cuff remark “you were my dinner monitor” and it leaves me chuckling all the way up the escalators at their pure sweetness and wonderfulness.
I thought I had a revelation that I make myself laugh. And I really do. Even though I’m not funny as my girl often tells me. I don’t know any jokes, I don’t have clever come backs or a fast wit that delights the crowd. But I do make myself laugh and this is no revelation. This is just a statement of fact. Creating my own comedy sketches in my head wherever I am, whatever I’m doing. I mean I could write a Stella street type story about my 3 years at college. Random personalities in a room creating moments of chaos and mayhem that left me laughing to myself all the way home some weeks. Behind the deep and the trivial was a comedy special filled with the warmest and loveliest of characters. Love to imagine what that street would look like and who might be running Mick and Keith’s corner shop.
Maybe I might write it at some point just for myself.
And at work where I’m surrounded by my superheroes. The naughty little boys who show themselves regularly with their pranks and cheeky remarks. Half the time it’s like we are in the school playground like a giggling bunch of little urchins.
As I wander about doing my thing I always notice the details, the beauty the simple wonder of what’s around me but I also notice the comedy.
I think people might be funniest when they don’t realise they are. Angry people are becoming a fav of mine. I just imagine their heads like cartoons getting bigger and bigger before they explode.
Or when people are moaning about something. That’s pretty comedy gold. What seems so serious is usually something so trivial and pointless that it’s hard to keep a straight face. But I always do. Else you’ll end up facing the exploding cartoon head.
More and more I find it hard to take anything seriously other than when I’m in someone else’s dark. The rest of the time it all feels quite frivolous. Even thinking about getting my result is feeling more and more comical. Nearly four years of blood sweat tearsand I might end up with nothing. There’s something pretty ironically hilarious about that. But what am I gonna do. Sit down and cry. No way. My life’s more than that. I have many more space hopper moments in me cause I know how to make them happen. So although I would really like to get that bit of paper I also know that I’ll manage without it.
After the disappointment dissipates.
Anyways this ramble has no purpose other than to capture my love of all things fun and happy. And to celebrate why I love to laugh. In fact when I sit within others dark it makes me want to enjoy the light even more. To be care free and laugh my little head off till I feel dizzy with excitement.
And I don’t need to search for that. I find it every day, everywhere I go, whether I’m on my own or with others.
And that thought that I am an expert in happy is helping me to worry a little less about, well everything. Perhaps right now is a bus stop to my real purpose. I can’t help feeling that I haven’t quite reached my destination of “this is it” yet… it’s not really my dream. I’m still not quite certain what that is. Maybe I never will. I quite like exploring.
And while I do that I will carry on laughing. Fun and happy is always a good plan in my world and I guess if that makes my life sound frivolous, well how wonderful. Im totally passing something at least 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊