Today I spent the loveliest day with my two besties L&M.
It was a gift for my birthday some months back but the timing of it could not have been better.
My mind has been so busy, as have I, and I have felt the demands and the turbulence of thoughts so much to the point of making me feel crazy.
I love the job I have. So much. But the effect it has on me personally I haven’t quite got to grips with yet. It can often drown me, exhaust me, create conflict and confusion in my own thoughts in a way that it can feel hard to separate what belongs to me and what doesn’t. The deepness and weight of it is something I struggle to carry and I question often, very often in fact, if I’m made of the right stuff for it.
So being given the gift of a day of pure rest and relaxation was so gratefully received and was a friendtervention in making me stop and take care of myself. Something I often struggle to do.
Not because I don’t think I deserve it but because the call on me from different directions can feel permanently loud especially when I have my own little struggles of life.
What to do with all that. I turn to close friends, often, but I need to find new ways to ease the burden and today gave me a kick up the arse to do that.
A beautiful spa is where I spent my day. I fell asleep on a lounger for the first hour. I didn’t realise just how tired I was. Two jobs, my girl and other worries and commitments in life can stack up. I felt jaded, and mostly with people. I could almost feel a sense of cynical sneaking its way in. I’m not like that at all but everyone has a limit and I had reached mine. And it wasn’t feeling good.
But being with L&M reminded me of who I am. I was starting to wonder. Questioning everything. Exhausting!
I just needed some peace.
And in the pool, in the sauna, in a 50 minute massage I totally found that. Never were those things so required to pull me out of 2 dozen people’s worlds that were impacting on mine.
On a beautiful sunny day we took a stroll round the grounds with me and L in fluffy white robes and M in her gym gear. We were laughing so much because it looked as though M had come to visit me and L at the rehab centre and we were making a run for it. Have a lovely photo of me pretending I had been straight jacketed. The way I’ve been feeling it didn’t feel too far from the truth. I just needed my mind to be quiet and give me some peace as well as peace for the friends I love so much and my blog.
Peace I finally have. That massage I think was the best I ever had. Peppermint for apparently quieting your mind. Who knows if it was that or the amazing hands of the very lovely male masseur that made me feel the most mindful I’ve been in what feels like FOREVER!!!
He said I looked very happy after.
Yep, very happy. I have a happy mind again. And I need that.
And I also realised that I need to give myself that more often.
Wonder Woman is who I wish to be and twirling I can do… but I totally need to recharge those superpowers for myself and for others, else I’ll drain more than my own powers. Of that I am very mindful.
Smiling my way to sleep tonight in being back in my more familiar happy and loving place.
That feels a really nice place to be 😊🌈