Feeling Warmer Part 1

I don’t even know where to start.
Last Easter I spent the whole of it ploughing through a research project whilst everyone else was having fun.
I was a machine. And I needed to be so. I had to get it done around my crazy busy work schedule whilst trying to drown out my sadness. Not always easy when you get reminders. That group had a talent sometimes for all pulling together in a moment of what’s app photos. Displaying their perfect and happy lives. I never felt jealous but it often left me feeling very alone. Is that what Facebook is like? A show of my life is so much more wonderful than yours. If so I’m glad I’ve never signed up. I don’t think I would want to be part of that either way round. Perhaps my blog is the equivalent of that with all my dreamy magic although Ive definitely shared a lot of the sad shit too.
Do people put the shit photos of themselves on Facebook? Where life is a bit crap?
Anyways I loved those guys so much but there were definitely times when I muted them.
This year the universe gave back to me with no work and sunshine. And I was never gonna waste it.
Having had a magical day on Friday I followed up my happy visit to my roots by wandering aimlessly and happily in London, eating a nice fry up opposite the meat market and then taking a stroll along the river. But I was ready to get out of London for a couple of days.
For all I love my city, sometimes I need to get away and I constantly have a call to the sea.

I was on a budget. I have plans that I want to invest in, so day trips were where it’s at. But I love those adventures. They are the stuff of memories. Seaside magic.
Day 1 was with my girl. I tend to keep the details of those to myself. Even though she doesn’t read my blog I know she would not want to feature all the time. And also my time with her is incredibly special. We are very close and talk about everything. And I like to keep those moments very close to my heart.
But I would like to share a little, if that’s ok as she is what I am proudest of in life. When I think of the friendship we have I feel so lucky especially when I hear other parents struggling to connect with their teens. She’s like my best mate. There is nothing off limits when we chat and that makes our convos very interesting and funny.
Especially as she is hilarious. She has a dry quick wit that is old style and could silence a working mans club. Behind the angelic, long haired beauty that has boys queuing up to talk to her on what’s app (she has little interest and no time) and the dancing girl who is so very free in herself, there is also a cool and confident humour. I’d like to say that she gets that from me but we all know that it comes from her dad.
They go head to head all the time in the battle for quick witted supremacy. Bouncing off each other like the perfect comedy duo. I think my girl would concede that she hasn’t quite caught the master yet but he acknowledges that she is certainly catching up fast. Very few people really make them laugh. So they tend to amuse each other.
And they are providers of comedy entertainment in the circles they know. Some people just have funny bones and smart minds. As my girl says to me often .. you’re funnier than most people but most people aren’t that funny.
Good job I have other strengths 😊
She’s not a massive dreamer. Occasionally she gets swept up in mine as she did when she was little, but mainly we are close because she feels loved by me in all her wonderfully beautiful , individual ways.
We spent the day chatting.. on the beach, walking around, over our fish n chip lunch and ice creams at morellis. Everything about the day was perfect. Walking around with her arm in arm. It made me so happy. I can live off that for ages. With her talks of university and the prospect of losing her company regularly in another years time I happily make the most of every single moment I get with her. Your children are borrowed and it’s as it should be. They fly free to be who they want to be knowing there is a safe nest for them whenever they want or need it. It’s the way it should be I think. She can be anything she wants to be and I want her to.
I feel really excited for her.
From not wanting to say much I’ve ended up writing a whole post about her so I will change the title and make a part 2.
I’ve often been asked by people with young kids “does it get any easier?”
I always feel like I have to lie to make them feel better. I mean I only ever had one but for me, it’s always been really easy. You know, expensive, you can’t always do the things you want, you’re never completely carefree (they always occupy your mind a little in worry), following the calendar restrictions of school for many years.. but I didn’t care about any of that. Because it was always fun. All of it. All 17 years have been proper magic. She is just so very easy to love and be around. Always has, always will. And on that little trip to Broadstairs I found myself looking at her with dreamy eyes at the amazingness of who she has become. I was completely overflowing with pride and love…. Not to mention proper laughing all day long.  I love that I can enjoy a whole new version of what we have as she is getting older. We already share clothes and she has her eye on my trip to Ibiza (Not this year babe) but mainly she is very honest and open with me and that makes me so happy. Yep my girl totally rocks!

She is something else! ❤️

 

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