Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about

“Stop crying or I”ll give you something to cry about”
Those words popped into my head this morning after seeing someone I care about who cried into my arms for half an hour for their loss. Tears that had not been shared for a long time.
What a release that must have been. It’s taken a long time to get there. To allow themself to show they are just a human. I realised in that moment just how difficult it has been for them locked in their world of finding it so difficult to show their emotions openly despite the fact that there is probably no one in this world that knows what sits beneath as well as I do. And what I know is beneath that show is the kindest warmest sweetest most loving person I ever met. And yet only I was ever allowed to see it in its realest most gentlest form. Laughs and anger being the chosen defence.
It has always been the same. It has required my intervention in order for them to be able to talk about those difficult emotions that are supposed to be hidden, else you look like a girl. Man up! Just get on with it. That’s life!
And when complete shut down occurs what a lonely place that is. I sure as hell felt that.
What I lack in general knowledge I more than make up for in feeling.
Funny which one is more valued in this world.
They find themselves in the sad position of dealing with a replica of 3 years ago and I feel their sadness too.
It isn’t fair. Life can be so shit sometimes.
When I was asked to intervene I was slightly worried. It’s taken me some time to unscramble my egg and return to being the sunny side up egg that I am.
But I care very much. And I can’t just ignore and sit in my own happy. Im not made that way or do I want to be. Life is bigger than just me.
It left me thinking about my own way of dealing with sadness.
I tend to cry alone.
“Stop crying or ill give you something to cry about”.
Holding it was the safest option and then find a little quiet spot and let those tears flow. I always felt it.
Over time I have felt easier in that. In fact with people I trust I will show the whole array of emotions. And sometimes things like frustration, anger, sadness etc can be difficult for others to hold especially if directed at them. My fear has always been retaliation, rejection or disappearance. The people I care about will receive them in their rawest format. Probably not nice to feel but weirdly the fact that you see them says a lot about how highly you are valued.
The old saying.. you always take it out on those who are closest to you.
Never a truer word spoken as I held their tears and reminded them what a wonderful person they are.
All the therapy in the world but sometimes you just need someone who knows and loves to tell you that it’s ok.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s