Thinking out loud

I woke up to yet another the beautiful and glorious sunshine morning. I love Sundays. They are the beginning of my weekend where I can just feel very chilled out and relaxed. I am permanently on the go. My work is so busy it’s a struggle to keep up sometimes and in one of my jobs I have been dealing with people who have been hiding behind their email to vent all their frustrations of life into something that in the scheme of things is so very insignificant but is providing them with a place to be rude and angry and pretty shit to someone who is just doing their job. I of course go back to them all friendly and kind, noting their frustrations and letting them know I’m here to help. It’s been pretty wearing though having to take so much crap ever since returning from my trip and although I don’t take it personally a couple of times I’ve wanted to say there is a limit to how much a person can take in other people’s shit. I’m a person not a punch bag.
But I refrain and quietly get on with the job at hand. But on Thursday aqua man took me for a stroll to check I was ok and the rest of my team threw their swords in with the offer of, this is your fight and we know you will quietly get on with it but we are right behind you if you need us. Like musketeers. All for one and one for all. It was all I needed to carry on and laugh at some of the unbelievably rude things that people were saying to me which said more about them than me. As a friend of mine said to me recently. Have the bravery to say it to me rather than throw it out there and run. Absofuckinglutely!

Beyond that I acturally feel very contentedly happy right now and that’s such a good place for me to sit because it says I’m not looking for anything I am just happy where I am.
I also have all sorts of thoughts going round in my head. Not in a bad way. In a way where my brain is at play and I’m doing what I have been known to hide. Thinking!!! And I love it because for all my fluffy, feelings, warm, love peace and dreamy, I also have a brain. Not one full of facts, and general knowledge on historical facts or guidebook details of places round the world

My brain is full of observations about life and people. I don’t care about the other stuff, but life I care about especially relationships. I learn so much in them that I can relate back to the bigger picture. And it fills my brain with colour.
Right now my topic I am writing about is Men. And it is making me laugh so much in my views on different things that will probably upset both sides of the fence. Those men bashing feminists will probably have steam coming out of their ears in some of my thoughts but I’m also putting some types of men through the wringer too.
And parking responsibility with all of us so it’s not all one way.

The similarities and differences in people I know has sent me on a bit of a journey in looking at things in different ways. Finding that differences are actually fitting with me better than I would have imagined and some of those similarities have big differences.

Right now I have a distinct lack of interest or care in having a romantic relationship. What!!! The girl of all things love isn’t wishing or dreaming of the perfect guy. Nope!!! And perhaps that’s because I’m actually very happy in the freedom of doing my own thing without anyone telling me where I’m going wrong.

I have found myself thinking a lot about where I went wrong in my big one. By today’s standards we were pretty fucking amazing. The difficulties of life and changes were our downfall but I always take great comfort in the fact that I am still loved and fondly thought of by him and we are able to be friends who care about each other. Maybe that’s because we met so young but I think is more because we really did love each other and had that special magic that most people dream of.
But before I get carried away, I still get on his bloody nerves in not wanting to fit in the boxes I’m supposed to which still makes him angry with me. Even now I can be on the end of that. There is a reason I’m living on my own.

I always looked at my my friend who I am similar to but oh so different. When I first knew him I was blown away by his sensitivity. I know him so much better now and see him in a million different ways that totally weren’t in the mix when I first knew him, have been sources of conflict as we have gone along in our friendship, can make me feel a little insecure sometimes as I don’t really get some things, but can also make me really laugh and feel amazingly happy in those strange and wonderful differences. And every now and then i notice my changes and I will think, omg am I like that too!!!
He has changed also. That sweet and gentle guy who chuckled like a little boy in his sense of humour is actually a lot more cynical and edgy and I have been cut a few times. He can go between dreamy and cynical and I obviously feel much easier in his dreamy but I find myself fascinated by his cynical which only throws itself out to me sometimes but makes me laugh more now in thinking how bizarre that is that I found myself another cynical dude. I often wonder what sits beneath that even though o don’t need to know and wouldn’t want to change it. It’s the full and real package, I completely love it and I’m a total believer in being everything you are. Don’t just fit.
Anyways just a little Sunday morning offering before I find a spot in the sun to write about players and page 3 girls. I’m so very easily pleased ❤️

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