Appreciation

Last night a very dear friend of mine shared her experience of being part of the ceremony of saying goodbye to someone.
As she put it, she didn’t know him well. And yet she had shared with me who he was to her which in itself said a lot about both of them.
Through the time she had spent with him and what she had observed and felt it warranted the need to be there to be part of that celebration of someone’s life as well as being part of all the emotions that come with that, whether that be for that person, or the feelings of others who that person was very special to, or remembering and thinking of the special people in your own life.
It confirmed much of what I know about her. She has a genuineness that comes from a very special place. She is individual and beautiful inside and out with a huge awareness in both herself and others. I feel truly lucky to have her as a friend. She teaches me so much about the sort of person I want to be.
There is such an integrity to the way she thinks and behaves and is one of the things I love most about her.
I felt so happy that she shared and I took so much from her words which related a lot to how I’ve been feeling.
Did she know that? Maybe not but it sure helped me in how I was feeling.

Why did the man in the bank make me feel so happy this morning. Because he saw me smile and that was enough.
I didn’t have to be interesting, or amazingly beautiful or do anything for him or be anything other than a person that smiled. And he showed his appreciation by telling me I was beautiful. That one sentence made my day. It made me feel beautiful and like someone in the world appreciated me.
What a lovely thing that is to be appreciated for just existing.

I made a decision in something this morning. It seemed small. But these things sit with me for a while as I work out exactly how I feel and where they fit with me.
It went against the majority but that wasn’t my purpose. It was all about doing what felt right for me rather than what was right for everyone else. I took some time to explain it in the best way possible. My intention was not to segregate myself but to assert my own need rather than that of others. I care about them. It wasn’t about caring about me more but doing what felt right for me. Because strangely I feel like I got so much more from being pushed to the brink. Challenged beyond what I thought were my own limits. It made he see how quiet strength and resilience and pure care and love can win out and also leave you feeling good in the way you did it. I can hold my head up and be proud of who I was in that even if I made mistakes. I’ve always owned them.

Just after I sent my thoughts I received a response from my friend. The really special friend that I have struggled with very much lately in our differences. And yet they were the only person to say something to me.
Having felt so angry with them lately it made me cry. That small thing meant a huge amount and reminded me how much I misunderstand their way. That’s why I hang in there in that friendship. I think that in all our differences of which there are many, just like fairies, I believe in them. Because I think they believe in me.
I guess sometimes it’s hard to keep that faith when you don’t see them.

I have realised lately that I have a need to feel the same appreciation as I give. I don’t expect a carnival. Just little reminders that I matter.
Another very dear friend indirectly reminded me of the importance in that a couple of weeks ago and has made me look for the balance in having more time for those I love and care about. It’s important. Actually it’s essential. Because this world can make you feel like you don’t matter and it’s very easy to start believing that no matter how much you believe in yourself.

It’s why really loving others is worth so much more to me than all the superficial distractions of life. I’ve always known that but how easy it can be to be blinded by those lights.
I need them sometimes for some balance but not as much as I need love.

So where am I left tonight.
Still supporting said friend at work who feels so sad and said she wishes she was like me which she described as the bubbliest and sweetest person in the world.
Didn’t I say that about her!!!! 😊
Only Wonder Woman can explain that battle to rise. We are all only human.

And yet even though I feel very small in this big world, more than ever I’m wanting to treasure what really matters to me. With everything I am. Whether I get it right or wrong or somewhere in between. And perhaps for some it might not be enough and I have to accept that but it won’t ever be for the want of trying.

Sometimes you have to take it back to old fashioned basics.
Sending out every bit of love that I possess tonight knowing that there are people out there that care about me too. ❤️ and caring about each other is the only thing in life that really matters.

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