Finding my Love

How did I find my Love?
Today in the hottest day of the year I took a little punt on the gee gee’s.
The 6.55 at Leopardstown.
It’s not something I do but as I stood there I saw the horse I wanted walking round the parade ring… 9-1 when I placed my bet. backwards 19 lucky number
The horse in question???
How could I not have a punt on that. £2.50 to win.
Having laughed back to my friend who said ”That’s tooooo much love”.. I reminded him that there is no such thing as too much love for me and of course “Love” romped home 3 lengths clear followed by unforgettable and wonderful in 2nd and 3rd and precious moments just behind in 4th.

I know what you are thinking. This must be a fantasy.

If ever there was a race made for me that would be it and as someone who has very little interest in racing I found myself smiling in being in a place where I saw it on the tv and promptly put my bet online.

£22.50 later I was loving the fact that Love would buy something nicer for dinner but more so feeling the happiness of love winning out.

Ooohhh Yeeeeaaahhh !!!

Maybe not always with perfect happy endings but in the way it finds it’s place in my heart. My heart is a wide ocean and can be seen in all its beauty every day. But if you swim a little deeper you will find a treasure that is locked away and hidden and protected in the deepest depths.

The previous day I had flown back on my flight and ended up watching the kids film on the way home. Wreck it Ralph 2. Ralph breaks the internet.
Kids films are always amazing and this one was as good as the first. Who doesn’t love Ralph and Venelope Von Schweetz aka the glitch. The unlikely friends are more than they appear on the surface. I found myself all choked up as we landed, holding back my tears. What a nutter I am 😊 but a very Von Schweetz nutter.
Earlier in the day I had watched the sunrise. All alone and overlooking the sea in Sant’Agnello.
The sunset had been more beautiful and visible the night before. I shared it with someone I truly love. They helped me to remember who I am and bring an amazingness to my world in a way that is different to anyone else I ever met. I held on to that beautiful sunset until the final moment it disappeared.
But the sunrise signified change.. new beginnings. It’s taken me so long to get to a place of really being able to move forward in a way that can try to bring happiness in a real way. I want to be happy in the same way I want others to be. It felt so good to get to that feeling and feel solid in that. Safeness and stability is something I need now but is less readily available now. Decisions taken have made it tougher. It is not a given as it is for some. But It is very hard to really live long term without sone security and we are trying to provide it to each other. Taking risks has come at a price but it is one I will never regret paying. It was worth it.
Im not inhibited in saying whatever I want to say. I am who I am and I love. If that sounds stupid, or Disney, or naive, or soft then good. I can be all of those but I can also be a million other things on top. I have a strength that comes in gentle and I’m proud of that. Perhaps it won’t make me be seen as the cool and sexy kid but Im not bothered. You have to look a little more closely to find both of those tucked behind the sweet. I don’t feel the need to show that to everyone.
I save it for special. And they get to see the whole lot. As my T-shirt says “don’t judge a book by its cover”.
As I swam in the same lagoon, I was filled with that feeling I get when I know I have been on an amazing journey to somewhere new. That the actual stepping stones to that lagoon represented all the stepping stones I had walked across towards my journey home. It felt incredible as I looked out towards the sea and thought of my friend. How much I could swim and swim in those sexy waters forever. And then I took in the rock faces around me. Moments before I had tried to climb a rock face to a shadier spot. I could feel the sun burning my shoulders. My foot slipped on a dodgy rock and I tumbled back into the water. When I surfaced I could see my girl looking over in horror as to whether I was ok. I was ok. My pride a little hurt after all my other death defying climbs. Undeterred and not to be beaten in that moment I found a new place for my footing and this time I was successful.
As I victoriously sat in my little shady spot, I immediately thought “how the hell am I going to get back down”.
But I managed eventually with a little help from my girl. She laughed at me .. “you’re certainly not a wimpy girl”
I’ll take that! No I’m not.
And what of my risk in spending all my budget on a boat to Capri. If ever there was an example of it being all or nothing and all about the journey than the destination this would be it. I will say how beautiful Ana Capri was. It’s quiet and gentle elegance felt like a perfect location for me and how I loved that my name was a location there. The perfect spot for beautiful views. Could not be happier in where I found myself.
Capri town was beautiful in a different way. It had its designer shops but the more natural beauty of the gardens came at a bargain of 1 Euro and I think any expensive handbag would be hard pushed to create that much beauty and pleasure. Well perhaps for the superficial. But my little tote bag with a picture of the Eiffel Tower, carries my stuff just as well.
But the main event was that boat.
The boat that when I arrived in the harbour looked like something out of a dream. For the girl who had risked everything in following her heart it felt like the climax of what that looked like. Surrounded by genuine people that made me and my girl feel like we belonged. All taking our places on the deck of that boat and laughing like children as the boat sped over the waves in true movie like fashion, bikini clad and hair blowing in the warm breeze. Holding on to each other and screaming like we were on the best roller coaster ever!!!Swimming in the cooling sea water and greeted back on board with champagne. Lying on deck in the sun as the boat sailed slowly round the island. A whole fantasy world away from the reality of my real life, only in that tiny moment it was my life. An observation that was also felt by my lovely friend and that thought reminded me of all the other real moments of special that I have so loved and been so lucky in. They really were part of my real. How lucky am I. How treasured they are.
And enjoyed with such magic by the girl who appreciates every single lovely thing that comes her way whether that be the privilege of something beyond her wildest imagination or the happiness in pure simple.
Being able to live in every way possible creates the dreams and the magic and will always make my life feel like a movie. I create what it looks like. Dreamy fantasy is my very best friend and Real is my home but Magic is the key to my soul. Like sexy Italian water… it may be hidden away out of view but I know it exists. And unlocking that just for a moment gave me enough magic to last me a lifetime.
That’s where I found my love.

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