Symphony

Who always shows up to my party when I need someone to remind me what I bring.
Superman … a bootneck that always has my back.
In the midst of complicated and difficult times he is the person you want in your boat.
Work is challenging right now but not in that inspiring and energising way. It is more in that disempowering and energy draining control that stunts your ability to fearlessly forge ahead, be creative and run with things, turning them into something more. Some people love to be in total control,  only now I push back and of course that makes me troublesome. But right now I have other bigger and more important battles to command my attention and this thing at work feels more of an irritation and one that I’m just ignoring. plugging in my music and carrying on in my own little way. Quietly maverick. I don’t need to shout about it. I just do my own thing. Working hard, being helpful and getting stuff done. What you gonna do?!
But someone else was also irritated by it. Superman. He totally saw it and got it and challenged it.
It wasn’t his battle to fight but I quietly thanked him and we went on to have one of the conversations I have with him at odd moments which reinforced something in me that I have,but is only visible to those that know what it looks like.
Heart and Trust.

I always love the very real and very important implications of both when referred to in a world he has lived in. You put yourself into dangerous situations with a group of others, you totally need to know you can trust them and they will stand alongside you whatever happens. That they have a heart as brave as yours and they have your back.
How that thought cut through me at the very deepest level.
Having been very open in my posts lately in who and what I am, showing myself in all my flaws, my errors of judgement, my insecurities, my humanness, I have wondered how that looks to others. What their perception of me might be.
How might that little room judge me in seeing the good, the bad and the ugly.
There would be some that would roll their eyes or hide their contempt for what they would see as stupidity or would laugh inside at me being lesser than them. But there would be others who would have the ability and vision to see beyond the surface to see what sits underneath.
And it wouldn’t be theory that would allow them to do that. It would be their own open hearts that allowed them to feel the layers of emotion that weave their way through
a life. The story is just the introduction. The emotion is is the symphony that plays in all its wonderful musicality and has to be felt. If you can’t feel it then you may as well never open this book.
My “follow your heart” arrow and sparkle plaque that currently still sit on my Parisian window sill remind me of how much I  love and believe in that.
But after talking to Superman never have I trusted my heart so much.
How easy it is to look weak and stupid and feeble to others when I talk of love.
But there is nothing in this universe more powerful. You put a million brave hearts side by side against 10 million without and you will see a battle that might see that mighty army running away in fear.
Without heart you are people that are looking after your own interests and survival. With heart you are a band of brothers who are fearless in each other’s unity, ready to lay your life on the line for another because you trust they would do the same for you.
Win or lose you will do it together and in a way that makes you feel proud in being more.
Perhaps I will fall many times in following my heart. Perhaps I will be wounded. Perhaps I will love too much and see others running from that in fear.
But I will never stop. Ever!!! My heart is second to none. It is a precious Jewel that cannot be bought, cannot be broken and loves others so deeply in ways that they may never know, understand or believe.
But if you have a place in it, it says more about you than it ever will about me. Because my heart has a mind of its own and it loves who it loves without question, without prejudice and without limits.
This world provides the limits but my heart …
my heart will never be controlled and I love that thought ❤️

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