As.i drove home tonight I was feeling so quietly powerful In getting stuff done that I felt like a mouse. Hear me roar.
Some choices may have escaped me now but I am grabbing hold of the ones that haven’t. Another 2 years training in the job that has been a struggle but doing this will elevate me to a place of more interesting. They are sponsoring and funding me in it and despite my reservations in whether I can work for someone for two years while I do it, I decided that I will find what it takes. In the long run this will benefit me in future choices. And superman is on hand for extra motivation when needed. Sometimes I have to kick my own arse to fight for being all I can be. Less about success and more about stretching my brain that left to fester wpuld leave me frustrated. I’ve always done what needs to be done to pay the bills and often that has been accepting less than I am capable of. Maybe I do need a little more in terms of being what I can be. I’m not ready for the scrapheap quite yet.
I still have plans to build a life. It just needs to benefit more than only me and my girl. But i would quite like to find some enjoyment in that. If I can.
When I’m in the real I feel more able to get things done in a practical sense than when I’m in my day dreams. Although Thinking and writing always feels much more desirable than working through a list of practical. I have all the ideas but it’s so dull looking after the details.
But I did manage to get the details of the course I will be undertaking and then spent the next hour thinking up a plan of a 365 days worth of freebie London entertainment and fun.
To find different creative ways to find some magic without needing any money.
It’s still possible.
Down but not quite out.
All this practical..
But just when I thought that I might be losing the part of me I sooo love but doesn’t really work in the confines of this life, my dreamy kicked in. My housemate works in films and we share a love of that, and tonight came across our shared love of Thomas Newman.
She felt like she needed a good cry and after thinking of films that make us cry … ET, Patch Adams, she said Meet Joe Black.
Omg I certainly am not ready to watch that right now. Lightning bolt! With Thomas Newman music. Leave off! I’m trying to be positive. You go cry and I will go do something that is practical and real.
She played the music as I walked up the stairs and quietly I twirled, and as I did I remembered twirling on that bridge in a way that never saw me so free and feeling in love.
My blog is a place for real but it is also a place to help me find what I need for the real. Don’t be deceived. My dreamy is having to take a back seat again. I can’t afford the coulds, I am paying a high price for tryimg. So I am creating my magic in the shoulds. My dreamers job is to try and make the real what it needs to be.
I have the kind of imagination that only Joe Black understands.
But of course he isn’t real.