Last night I had that feeling again in wanting to close my blog page.
It has been a huge part of this chapter in my life, a chapter that made me write.
They say that songwriters pour their heart and soul into their first songs written from love and everything that comes after is trying to recapture that, but never does.
The one hit wonder!!!!
But like every great timeless rockstar who continues on well after they should, I am leaving my options open.
I feel quiet this morning. Getting ready for the final push of moving my stuff again and cleaning up behind me. As though I was never here.
Ready to move on to a new chapter that I have fallen into like Alice and that rabbit hole because responsibility demands it. But I am the artist who can create a masterpiece within it.
I have the imagination to create so much more if I can put my heart into it. This time I will try not to mess it up.
I find myself already wanting to distance myself from everything that has been a part of this period. Standard feeling when I move on. By distancing myself I won’t have to think about or feel anything that was part of it.
And yet what purpose would that serve. I would miss so many people who were a wonderful part of what that was.
Two of which will be part of my Monday and Tuesday and I look forward to seeing them.
Perhaps not quite at my finest right now but with a realness that I always bring to every relationship. Take me as you find me as I always would with you.
What you can guarantee you are getting is genuine and heart. That doesn’t feel too shabby.
There are some I am not ready for yet. Maybe I never will be. Maybe they are meant to be part of my past that are locked away in a very deep place.
I would like to spend my time not feeling sad.
I used to be a really happy girl. The happiest!
Until it was all unravelled and pulled out in my pursuit of helping others.
Sometimes as I write my naivety astounds me. Must I seem so stupid to others. The foolish dreamy girl who fell in love.
I remember once saying “I am complicated. Other blondes like that one in the pub are much more suited to you”
My photographic memory of life means I remember every detail.
My clients are often astounded by all the details I remember. That’s because I care. I don’t remember a single thing from lessons at school.
There was my feeble half hearted attempt at swerving the chaos and heartache that I saw coming from a mile away.
Live and learn!