Ever since I returned from Italy and told my team that I was shaking cocktails on the roof of my hotel in the pursuit of free cocktails, Batman has renamed me WW The Sorrento Shaker.
Sonetimes a girl has to do what a girl has to do.
As I was driving on Saturday I found myself behind a car at the traffic lights. Sitting at the back window of the car were about fifty little characters shaking. The type like the shaking souvenir hula girls that continuously shake their hips. For those old enough to remember the generation game and the memory conveyabelt (toaster, set of golf clubs.. cuddly toy) I did the same in looking through that window (a shaking mouse, panda, minion, hula girl, etc). All shaking in unison and making me smile as I sat at the lights. I’d only nipped round the corner and didn’t have my phone with me. Nothing to remind me what that looked like when it fades but that image is etched in my memory as with all things in life. It made me happy in seeing that very simple image of lots of cute little characters shaking.
The long weekend felt tricky. I found it hard to breathe. As I talked, whilst walking through the forest, I was told that all this new shit that I’ve got from others would eventually be knocked out of me.
This new shit is me I thought but I can keep it to myself. Trying, trying, trying!!!!
By the time last night came I felt exhausted from trying and as someone who rarely watches any tv I found myself numbly flicking through channels for something to keep me company in that.
Until I found myself coming across Miss World 2018. Does this still exist? As a girl I loved it. All these beautiful women from all round the world In lovely dresses and far away places that looked exotic and fabulous. I didn’t care about all the feminist crap about degrading to women in being judged in a bikini. As I girl I wanted to be one. I thought they were sensational.
They added another something amazing to my inner world of magic I’m sure as with many versions of what makes women beautiful I could argue the toss on all of them. I have my own mind on these things which interestingly is what equality for women is all about isn’t it?! Well unless you don’t agree with the particular women who are shouting the loudest.
But just an inner mind of my own works for me and challenge that at your peril. You will only make it stronger.
As it came on and I sat reminiscing of being a little girl who loved watching all sorts of random crap I found myself watching the part of the show which was showing their talents.
Inspiration comes in many forms but seeing that working class art of playing the spoons (as once demonstrated by a great uncle of mine many years ago) given a new lease of life and upgraded with tight black pvc pants and dramatic music and lighting whilst standing on a chair and doing stretches that took those pvc pants to their limits was enough to make me laugh so loudly and give me some much needed inspiration to think, maybe I can take myself to new limits. Quietly, in my own time.
Right now my choices are limited and the very cheap and reasonable level 5 course that is a such a steal, is totally out of my reach. In fact that money sure would help in staying afloat right now.
But learning is never out of my reach and laying a way to other things is what dreams are made of.
I found myself making a list of all the random shit that I would like to learn. My work funded training is in the process of being sorted creating new opportunities but not something that I feel passionate about. It’s a means to an end. Better paid and more interesting job I hope.
I’m talking about the stuff that I can feel passionate about because im doing it because I want to. No money to put into this but I have a piano in my front room. That nicest thing that was ever purchased second hand and Brought me soooo much pleasure in hearing my girl play it. But I’ve never played.
I once had a friend at little school. JL .. she taught me how to play a little of moonlight senata. It was magical.
I thought she was so clever. I so wanted to be her but only so I could play piano.
So Top of the list. Teach yourself piano when no one is around.
And the next time I go to Italy or when I one day live in Paris (and I willl. I believe it) I’m gonna need to speak the languages. Searching for those cheap ways of learning languages. Library seems like a good place to start.
And in that moment my life suddenly became mine again.
I’ve given myself that chance to feel sad about what isn’t possible, and the difficulties and soullessness of where I am. Like an alien spaceship that crash landed.
But these little things can be the difference in surviving it or even finding a way to rise again.
I pride myself in never giving up even when all the odds feel like they are telling me different. Perhaps it will always look so much less to others. But I’m trying to not give a shit about how it looks to them. I am continuously reminding myself how much value there is in those tiny little details.
They were the tiny details that took me from childhood to adulthood and see me through life’s struggles. Why would they not work now.
Simple talents can become so much more if you keep on trying.
What words would Miss Sorrento Shaker use to describe herself to the judges.
Resilience and heart mate!… resilience and heart! ❤️