How disappointing when you are a girl and you find a perfectly fitting simple skirt that you weren’t looking for that you can’t wear. You imagine it coming on an adventure to a magical place only to find that just when you were ready to wear it you discovered it had a massive security tag attached to it.
No magical adventure after all for that skirt despite several attempts at different locations to remove it.
Making stuff happen.
Having used my blog as free therapy for myself lately I turned a little corner today. I’m just taking each day in its own right and seeing what it brings. It’s up and down. But one day at a time seems to be working for me. Always looking for the beauty and the smiles. I’m finding them when I’m out and about.
It’s amusing me whilst writing that I can’t afford therapy having spent 2 years giving it out for free. Especially when whilst training to do that it added some extra fuel to the sad mess. Oh those high hopes in coming out a newer more sparkling version of the girl that turned up.
My naivety just keeps on giving.
The irony certainly isn’t lost on me but no matter. Talking to myself is doing the trick. I am at least, now, fully qualified to hear myself.
Miss Sorrento Shaker the therapist told me to focus on what I do have control of and makes differences to my world. The things that I can build on which over time will make life better and hopefully will benefit others too. I still wish to do both. Money or not it will never change the girl I am. Cheers to that. 🍸
So in my continuing push to find a pathway to “something” I started to “Do” rather than just think.
First thing.. book a £16 1 year online course to teaching myself to play piano. I’m splashing the cash there but there is so much joy to be had in music and it can fill my soul.
I need to fill my soul.
I then booked on to two free courses. 2 day Train the Trainer and another two day Mediation Skills. I’m taking all the free opportunities that I have access to. They will give me more versatility.
And then I finally sent what I needed for the 18 month level 5 apprenticeship I’m being funded in, as a learning and development business partner/consultant. Starting in October.
And included in that package is a section on coaching and mentoring.
Suddenly I’m building myself into a little walking one woman learning machine who might find herself in 18 months time with a lot more choices.
Only a little audio French or Italian that I can recite out loud as I walk through the forest to go and mission in first steps of planning accomplished.
Last night I sorted all my clothes out. As someone who always got her clothes from jumble sales when I was a kid (oversized men’s suits I loved as a teenager) I never throw anything out unless it doesn’t fit or it’s completely had it. I found some hidden gems in those cases. So no need for spending money shopping, I have enough rockin numbers to last me and feel like I’m not letting myself go. I like to at least look nice when I’m out in the world.
Spent all my teenage years listening to those archetypal mean girls making fun of my style. I was just ahead of time, You girls in your uniformity of meanness. I never wanted to look like you.
Ditched that past as soon as I left school other than my two best friends I still talk to, and the one time I went to a school reunion but only because my best friend organised it. She was in fact the most popular girl in my year but she was also soooo nice and looked out for me in those difficult times both at home and at school. Her mum let me stay whenever I needed to.
After continuously asking me to attend year on year, she loves a reunion, I finally agreed. The meanest girl of all hadn’t changed at all despite many years passing. Still a bitch but in an older version. I just laughed and then danced the night away like I didn’t give a fuck. Because I didn’t give a fuck.
And finally trying to focus on working in part for myself. I need a little money to get started. But as soon as I’ve successfully resolved the big money worry I’ll be on it. I’ve been naturally ending with different clients who I’ve seen for a long time. Feeling so proud in seeing where they are at.
More than proud. Inspired, in awe, and blown away by their amazingness.
This age group is my passion. I’ll come back to it when I’m in a better position to give back.
Just a little more pushing to try to make something more. I know I have it in me and to find the means to make this stuff happen. I know I can. I believe in me.
Yes I’m falling down, constantly, but I’m also getting back up again. That’s what defines us I think. It’s ok to keep falling over and having to start again, and again and yet again.. as long as we keep trying. I’m not embarrassed to admit that. In fact I learn so much every time I fall and rise. No course can teach me that.
As I arrived home tonight the first thing I saw as I walked through my door was a postcard on the table with a picture of a beautiful 1950’s Parisian chiffon red dress. I smiled as soon as I saw it. Sent to me courtesy of a very special friend who I have mentioned several times before and I just feel so lucky to know her. She shared with me one of the most magical of experiences, and is treasured and cared about so much by me. There are rare people in life that make a huge difference to your world with few words, spoken gently but with real depth and beauty. She has that gift.
And as for that skirt… with a little M friendliness, gratitude and some cctv it finally saw itself free of that security tag. How happy my girl was with me tonight and thinking of the possibilities of where that simple skirt might take her.
It can go anywhere.