I have found myself thinking a lot about sleep. That thing that we all have to do in order to continue functioning in life. Even if it is deprived for a period of time eventually the body will shut down and enforce it. You could last for many days without food but the world record for no sleep is 11 days 25 mins (264.4 hours)
by Randy Gardner in 1964. I looked it up 😊
The definition of sleep
“A condition of body and mind which typically recurs for several hours every night, in which the nervous system is inactive, the eyes closed, the postural muscles relaxed, and consciousness practically suspended.”
Sleep has been fundamental to my ability to cope or not. It’s no surprise that when tired I have felt more overwhelmed, more emotional, and having less of an ability to think more rationally.
As much as it has irritated others I have known that I need to sleep when I have felt that I am exhausted and struggling to cope.
A new day of trying has been far more beneficial to me than trying to soldier on when I have felt exhausted. This has meant that people have had to wait for things they have requested, tasks have been left not done and I have not been so available in moments that people have wanted me.
They may not like it but in the long run it is what is allowing me to push on with the important stuff.
It has been my one and only most basic version of self care. I can’t function with all the demands that I am carrying and are so very heavy without allowing myself to recover fully each day. It sounds very simple but simple in my experience is usually all you need.
At the beginning it was so overwhelming that I had to be completely exhausted to sleep. The pressures of being the person who needed to pull us out of that dark hole was too much to cope with. I was struggling to pull myself out let alone everyone else. It left me lying awake at night looking for the answers of how to do that and where to find the strength and means to do it. Don’t think I ever found one answer in that. And then finding myself even more tired the next day.
They say crying is a release of emotion. Yes .. but also I think a result of being so tired that you are unable to function and perhaps it is just me, but I feel exhausted after crying. I have fallen asleep a lot into tears on my pillow. My body provided a way of me getting what I needed to be able to continue the next day.
As time has gone on I have realised that this is a hugely important part of keeping going. If I’m tired I start to lose my way. When I’m awake and have energy I can take on anything.
The sleeping lion becomes a king of the jungle.
I am a girl that has always had huge amounts of energy. I can stay up all night when I’m happy and talk and dance and …
My girl asked me one time if I was depressed because I was needing to sleep. Not depressed baby .. tired. Sadness and worry is exhausting. And when you add the performance of day to day on top then the recovery time for that increases substantially.
And my life is busy. There is no let up whilst carrying this load. I am running with a heavy load on my back and for all my imaginings of super human strength, the fact remains that I am in fact a mere mortal.
Only my heart is super human 😊
When I reach that better place I have no doubt all my strength and energy will find its way back to me for other much more wonderful endeavours but for now I am conserving it in where it is required, and sleep is my best friend in that.