Don’t give up

Another weekend of pain. i think it feels harder because I felt so close to it. I could almost touch it. If they could have just given me some little tiny piece of hope before I entered into another weekend.
I am feeling sick. My ability to just keep going, keep trying, fight on, is taking its toll on me now.
Sleep and rest is what I need to do. Being sick and feeling so weak. I can’t eat anything.
But I can’t do anything else now. It’s out of my control. I have become so insular in order to conserve my energy. Preferring to disappear into nothingness with music as my company. I have no effort left for conversation or questions. Just let me be for a moment. I don’t want to hurt anyone but I am hurting inside in a way that is beyond anything I’ve ever known and I’m trying to mute it. muting myself as though I don’t exist. Just trying to give me the extra little bit I need to just keep trying to balance for a little bit longer.
My gladiator lying silent for a moment.
I know I have to keep hanging tough. That mental strength that Has kept me pushing on but is now bringing me to my knees. Please let me get to the other side. I don’t think I can balance for much longer. I am trying with everything I am. Don’t give up don’t give up DONT GIVE UP!!!!
Trying to scrape the barrel of everything that I am. Am I enough? I have to be enough. Please please get me to the other side.

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