I’m starting to stroll a little.
Having watched my girl sing and dance on Saturday night I felt so proud of her ability to really follow her dreams. The confidence she exudes when she performs is something to behold. To try to swerve that safe path lined with pound notes and follow the creative and joyful route of following your passion fills me with happiness. She may or may not get there but she will never regret not trying. And trying is the only thing that really matters.
As for me, my confidence is growing day by day and I’m feeling like I want to push forward but in my own easygoing way. No fireworks but an inward explosion of magic that I’m letting run through me in a way I recognise.
Little things making me smilie. Im a student again and most importantly that means… I get a student discount card.. woohooo!!! Cheap dinners and cinema, an online shopping frenzy for my girl who loves a bargain and suddenly made me very popular when she realised I come with a discount and don’t even start me on my 10 % off at my local co-op . I’m a regular there. They know me. I love to chat and now I can save some more money. Every little helps (or is that a different supermarket?!)
I have seen a few different people over the past week which has been lovely and is making me so much less nervous in that. Included in the mix was my new acquaintance that I met outside a station. What a very cool and interesting dude he is. He laughed that I could only give him a slot of a couple of hours with zero notice. What can I say, I have stuff to do.. But he made the effort and was really good company. Nice to make a brand new friend who I actually had lots in common with and made me smile. Another well travelled person who has led a very interesting life and a very privileged one at that. Something that certainly was not evident on first meet.
How appearances can be deceptive. He told me I have really good vibes. Well that’s nice.
And I was very honest in my zero interest in anyone beyond friendship. He said we can be friends but to Keep him in mind If i change my mind.
I won’t. I’m keeping my life as simple as possible and not willing to settle for less than I wish for.
I’m feeling my worth again which again feels like a little love in the right direction.
I am most certainly becoming a “catch me if you can girl”. I have so many plans that I have finally started working on, with never enough time in my busy week to do everything, but I’m packing it all in. A surge of energy from taking more care of myself and trying to do more of what makes me happy. Putting myself back in the world again is paying off. Being alone in something that was so big and draining is finally having the positive effect in making everything else start to feel a little more like a walk in the park.
Alone holds no fear for me now. I like it and needing that freedom is a basic for me. I will do absolutely anything for anyone if I can. It’s just the way I’m made. But don’t demand it.
I’m putting some more energy into myself so that I can try to build a life for me again.
I also caught up with E who I could listen to all day long in all her wonderful thoughts and opinions whilst catching all those moments of beautiful warmth and kindness that she loves to play down but is written all over her. She cares. It’s why I like her so much. She is a powerhouse for sure but with a mushy centre.
We laughed at how, if We could live that two years again, with what we have learnt and how we have evolved, how interesting it might be if she became the fluffy dreamer and I became the challenger.
And then the lovely G who returned from her trip to LA which looked truly epic. A Sunday late morning walk and sausage Sani with a newly cleaned Miss L looking like a snowball. G makes me laugh so much. We are so similar. Almost separated at birth. We love the same stuff . How much I look forward to attending a Moulin Rouge event with her. Me dressed as a can can girl whilst she will go as the Moulin Rouge itself. I was crying with laughter and wondering what a journey on the tube with a windmill will look like.
If you can can can.
On the horizon as a pre Christmas special I am looking forward to a singalong that I will be going to with K which I know will be so much fun. Fun Is definitely on my radar. And K is my girl with an amazing aura and beautiful heart. And is so much fun to be around. You have to be lucky to find a friend like that. They do not grow on trees and they have real substance and beauty.
I sure do know how to find the best friends.
And of course life would not be life without my L&M. It feels like there is much required Sharing of Angel love when I see them this weekend. Special friendships last forever and ever and sometimes need to come together as a reminder that whatever is happening good or bad we always have each other and everything will turn out ok in the end.
I’m on a roll in reconnecting.
Life is feeling like it is evolving in a way where I have no interest in controlling it. Right now working hard but looking to just feel happy, hopeful and part of something more, with a little sparkle and fun for good measure.
I don’t know exactly where I’m going at the moment but I don’t meed to. Something about the way I feel and the lovely people who are strolling along with me, is taking me on a route that is fitting with who I am. Feeling like I’m happy being around the people I like being around, responding to those I have care for but am happy with the distance and feeling open to new things as they find me or catch my eye. I’m not looking for them. I don’t feel the need for them. But that’s usually when things come along.
And in the meantime I’m happy strolling.
As I strolled round the corner at the weekend I found myself walking down a road covered in a carpet of yellow leaves.
Need I say more!