Following Dreams

I heard from a friend yesterday that I haven’t spoken to for quite a while. The last few years have been busy and full of stuff and I lost contact with a few as I tried to concentrate on getting through it whilst trying to find some happiness too.
But I was so happy to hear from K yesterday. It really made me smile. I like her such a lot. She’s just a very lovely person. Down to earth and one of life’s genuines.
We used to pack boxes together in another life. Feels a million years ago now and yet I can put myself back there in an instant.
Having previously spent mornings opening a pile of letters before disappearing at lunchtime, I was then moved to the warehouse which was where mine and k’s friendship blossomed.
It was during a time when I was at my most happiest in life. But also just before a point of change.
We used to chat really happily about our simple existences.
I would talk about P like he was the greatest thing since Henry Cavill in the Tudor’s.
I was still crazy in love, despite many years passing. My girl was happy and everything was fun. Life was totally magic. I was living my fairy tale in every way and was the happiest girl in the world.

We used to pack boxes with the radio playing and I would dance down the aisles.
The biggest excitement was when the French man B wandered in sometimes for a chat. I’m a sucker for a French accent. It was nice bumping into him again at a party last year and have a chat. Funny how he wished that he was still working with the kids in the activity centre instead of doing the better paid but very dull job he does now. How relationships can change your life beyond them lying next to you in bed.
He had lost a little of his French sparkle.

Big M was a bit bossy when I arrived in the warehouse and I remember him telling me that I wasn’t putting enough tape on those parcels. Something that my boss yesterday commented on as I was sending some books for a training course next week.
“Got enough tape on there?”
I laughed that I was in fact a professional packer. They need to withstand being thrown in and out of those vans without everything falling out. I am a girl of many skillls and experiences. Big M would have felt proud.

In fact when I think of all the different jobs I have done through the years I realise what a little jack of many trades I am. I can turn my hand to most things. Versatile is my middle name and I’ll happily do anything!! and actually over the years I have.
Foreign exchange trading assistant, making and selling doughnuts, teaching assistant, pub cleaner, museum recruitment, waitressing, counsellor, warehouse packer.
You learn a lot beyond the job..
From knowing the value of a pound note, work ethic, working with different types of people and understanding the value that is placed on you by others depending on what you do for a living.
The snob value.
I know the jobs I have loved more in life. They are never the ones that pay the most and they are always the ones where I’m working with genuine down to earth people.
Totally where the value for me sits. I’ve worked with a lot of people who think themselves important and better just because of the job they do.
Not in my book.
That assumption that everyone would want to be them and have their life.
Actually I never have.
But I did lose sight of what always made me happy in life. I got caught in the bright lights of what apparently is more. Thinking I had to be more educated and successful to be good enough. My eyes were well and truly opened and when I heard from K I found myself thinking, “I would quite like to go back and pack boxes again”.
It was just fun and happy and we had such a laugh.
So what really is a dream?

I often think that being able to travel between that scale in knowing what it looks like in different versions is invaluable to me. I relate a lot to others in just that very basic part of life. We are just people. Not defined by what we do but the people we are. But If my job is what defines me then I I think I would be the doughnut seller. I loved that job. It made me really happy.

Why is it that when I walk in in the mornings that the security guard always gives me a massive smile and asks me how I am?
Because I watch lots of other people walk past him as though he doesn’t even exist. And yet 2 minutes later they say hello to a fellow office worker in the lift. Same with the girl who cleans all the kitchens and empties out the dishwasher. You would think she was invisible to some people.
What’s that all about?
Ignorant idiots.

Looking in from the outside and thinking you know, is something I hear a lot. But quite often you have to live it to really know it, to really get it.
I’m just talking about something I know but I think this applies to orher areas of diversity. In this case it looks so different to the various versions that I hear from people who are clueless beyond the privilege they live in. It’s always very interesting hearing a point of view from a place of limited experience in what it really looks like.
And for me there is nothing more condescending than a sympathy face that assumes that everyone would want to be them.

There appears to be an assumption now that you need to be educated and successful to have value. What a crock. I know many educated people who appear to know nothing. You don’t have to look much further than our politicians for evidence of that.
I learn so much from others. It’s the best way to learn.

As for following dreams.. My little “Charlie Bucket” girl found herself with a golden ticket yesterday. Having given it her all down 42nd street she was offered a place to pursue her dreams of being a performer. Three years of singing and dancing in one of those highly sought after funded places.
Her excitement in her dream actually turning into a reality felt incredible. As we looked round at different places they had privilege stamped all over them. Money talks in this world. The competition to find a way into it without money is immense.
The only thing that has ever really held the ultimate importance for me is seeing my girl happy. In whatever that looks like.
Following her heart and pursuing her passions.
Not feeling like she has to take the safe route or a route that she thinks might make me and P happy. Just doing her. Being what she wants. She has to live it not us. It’s her life that we have been given the privilege of being part of it. But we  don’t own her. We have had the chance to borrow her for a while as my gran would have said.

If I may have got many many things wrong in life and in being a parent what I think and hope I perhaps got right,  was providing the freedom for her to follow the paths she wanted. No pressure to be anything. I’m proud of her no matter what.
But to see this beautiful, and kind hearted girl who always tries her best and loves what she loves, being given her opportunity to follow her dream , well, in every way,  all my dreams have come true.
Her dreams are my dreams
Her happy is my happy.
That’s exactly what love is and exactly what dreams are made of.

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