Passion fruit and coconut, flamingos and flowers

Beautiful life today.
It’s the little things that create the smiles and loved ones have been providing them in messages.
Sometimes a few beautiful words can make all the difference in feeling llovable just as you are.
I know that I’m fluff and ready. For some that probably lacks sophistication and elegance.. But i never wanted to be that anyways.. And as beauty is in the eye of the beholder it’s lucky that I have friends who are completely beautiful in every way possible.

After a lovely day at work where directors are all jumping off the ship and into empty lifeboats, it’s not hard to guess that something is afoot.
But I’m happy to go with the flow and see what happens. Perhaps an added boot up my arse to get things set up in something I enjoy. I give my whole self to it but it could probably help me too. Despite needing the money more than some others I haven’t been focussed on making money. But of course I need to strike a balance.
Robin Hood mentality. I’m sure there are those who can afford to pay more so that I can give to those with less. Well that’s the plan. That sits more comfortably with me, provides more diversity and I don’t ever want to lose that feeling that living life should always be about so much more than a pound note.
But needs must and I have to pay my bills.
Perhaps eventually that will allow me to do other things I care about. Who would want to be homeless in the cold and wind and rain. I feel desperate to do more than put change in a persons cup or buy a hot drink.
Like most things in life I can care and I can try and I can give some time but I can’t solve the problem.
Wouldn’t it be lovely though if we could. It’s a dream.

Last night I felt the effects of a disappointed girl who turned all her anger on me in not making the cut at the most prestigious of her auditions. She told me to F off when I tried to talk to her.
How do you tell the girl who has been encouraged to follow her dreams that sometimes they don’t come true. Sometimes life knocks you back but you have to get back up.
Rather than feel the disappointment she felt angry with me giving her hope and decided she wasn’t good enough to go anywhere.
As she was talking my mind was thinking.. you could be one of the greatest singers and dancers in the world and never get to where you want to. I use the spice girls as my inspiration. Ginger spices talent was not taking no for an answer and a never ending chant of girl power, Posh always looked like a sour puss and sporty.. ??? As for their singing skills? Who  am I to ever question their global domination.

Life is about hard work, kindness, belief and a whole lot of luck. If you think you know the path to a safe and perfect future then think again. One way or other life will throw you about on its roller coaster. Who wants to know. Not knowing is both the excitement and also the ability to make “right now” amazing. No one knows what’s round the corner no much how much they plan it. Life doesn’t give a shit about a plan. So you might as well live and enjoy it in the best way you know how. For me that also has to be what feels right too.
Balance Balance Balance. Maybe I will be good in that class L.

Anyways as for our little barney, ten minutes later it was all sorted. Me and my girl always make up straight after. I’m pretty easy going and a simple sorry works for me.. I wasn’t no angel when I was that age and sometimes I wonder if I ever grew up. Actually I don’t wonder. I know. I’m still like a kid even now.
I laughed when my mum messaged me from her trip to Barbados with her boyfriend T. The 75 year old bounty girl climbing down a waterfall apparently. The image she created in my head was hilarious and I replied to her message with a “be good you little minx”.
“ you know I never am” she replied.

Who wants to be a sophisticated and elegant woman. Where’s the fun in that. I’d be bored senseless.
I hope I never grow up.

When I came home tonight my girl walked out of her bedroom with a pretty bunch of flowers for me. I’m sorry I told you to F off.
I returned the gesture with the 10 quid from the flamingo scratch lotty that I had got her on my way hone yesterday. I saw it, made me think of K, which made me feel lucky, and gave it to my girl as we watched a Merlin after she had calmed down. Woohoo tenner!!!
Parenting red coat style. Just make it up as I go along and hope for the best.
She is the best!!!

I was left chatting to one of my angels about some nice things we are planning to do and looking forward to a walk at the weekend with Swiss M. I like spending time with her.

Sometimes I laugh to myself in just how simple and small my life must look in comparison with others but tonight I got a ray of hope in a message from P who finally returned to work again today and messaged to say that he was having a lovely day… just for me. I took that as a “try”. Baby steps. But babies that keep falling over eventually learn to stand on their own two feet and can turn into a dancer, a tropical island adventurer, or a happy person.

I ate my my reduced sell by date bargain that I picked up from the supermarket on my way home. An exotic passion fruit and coconut cake. Way to celebrate  my happiness in another beautiful lifetime in a day.
Simple tasted pretty f”ing good tonight 😊

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