Shake it off

Over the weekend I have felt a lot of emotion. It can feel a very lonely job sometimes. Not being able to share things that can at times affect me very deeply on a most basic human level.
Yes there is supervision, yes I have my own therapy but actually I am just a human who really cares.
Ive alway been told I was too sensitive. In this world having sensitivity is exactly what is required. I happily give my all to every single person I ever see.
It’s what makes me so right for this job but it can also take its toll in moments.

And this weekend was one of those. A series of related events that left me wondering whether I really have the strength required for this job.
It happens every now and then.
I felt so angry and sad and had absolutely no where to put that as it’s impossible to share what that really looks like unless you do this job too. But as I avoid being around other counsellors beyond the work, I am left in no mans land, holding my emotions without being able to explain them.
What the strangest job.
I have boundaries with clients and other counsellors.
There is vulnerability in both and leaving it at the door protects me (and them)
I’ve learnt it’s a bit of a fucked up world by all accounts and when I’m not working I’d rather be around people who aren’t in that world.

But of course it also leaves me quite alone in moments.

It’s why I swim.
And I swam a lot this weekend. But I haven’t been able to shake of what was shared on Friday and how that has impacted on me when I have my own challenges in life.
I felt like I was scrabbling around to feel enough.

Today as I swam back down the pool I saw one of my angels coming towards me. I wasn’t sure at first because she had her goggles on but then I saw her cheeky little smile.
What a sight for sore eyes. We hugged in the middle of the pool.
I could have cried in the happiness of seeing someone I love so much and who loves me back just as I am.
Her timing in having a day off and showing up at the pool at the same time was nothing short of magic.
That hug was all I needed. I came home and felt more like myself again.
Thanks angel 😇

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