Having been able to throw out my frustrations in other people via my blog this morning I felt more able to be the girl I am. The one who cares so very much.
Finding it easier to show that individually and in actions than in groups and chat. I have realised without any question that groups and me just don’t mix and despite efforts to be part of them at different times I have finally accepted that I just don’t fit. I really wanted to fit. To be part of more. But unless l think the same, act the same or agree with the majority then I quickly find myself disengaging.
I think I will always be a loner.
But I do really love people.
Im a 1-1 girl or 2-1 with my angels.
I fit in those relationships because I don’t have to. But I will always go above and beyond in trying. I always give my whole heart and soul.
The people I love and care about mean everything to me and I would do anything for them. And I always try to be good and kind and think of others as I go about my life. I always have and I always will.
It can feel isolating being just me but it also feels like there is real honesty and integrity in my interactions with others. I just can’t be dealing with falseness. Got to be real or not at all. Some people are just much better suited together especially in groups.
Anyways left to my own devices me and my girl spent the day together. I am treasuring this unexpected time I have with her. As we sat and watched a Disney film this afternoon “descendents 3” It made me feel like when she was 5 years old and we were sitting watching high school musical together.
We took a walk in the forest and sat in a tree for half hour chatting about everything. The sort of chats that we have always had, but less frequently as her life has got busier. But right now there is no rush to be somewhere else and our chats feel relaxed and unrushed. She has my full attention and I feel our closeness.
What a gift in the chaos.
As I sat in the garden in the sunshine still smoking my electric cigarette I watched her doing her Zumba workout. She made me smile as she jumped about. We are going to put together a schedule of workouts around my work at home schedule.
Self isolation with her feels like a pleasure.
She cooked us a lovely dinner and told me the highlight of her day right now being the prime ministers update.
Hearing her version of what this all means to her as an 18 year old is sad but also very Inspiring.
I felt incredibly proud in being her mum.
If ever there was motivation in life for me to try harder, be better, be more, she is it and she also makes me laugh so much.
Keeping it real with lots of love. That’s where I belong.❤️