Muted voice

Working from home for me is a massive struggle. But I can’t complain. I’m safe and being paid.

As  I typed that, I found myself wondering where all the homeless people are. Have they been given shelter or have they been hidden in an area together where they can’t roan those empty streets of London and make them their own.

Perhaps the only way I am able to focus on things I have no interest in doing is if you put me in a special room with others who equally have no interest in doing it either.
Like a reassuring form of capture that makes you do the things you have  to do.
Perhaps I need that in everything.

How easily I am finding it to drift into my own world with just MIM for company.
Quite happy to be ion my own.
Just a couple of reals that are quietly sitting on the outside very aware of their distance.
Funny when people have that awareness, I have no fear or reservations in them coming as close as they wish. I’m completely happy in that.

But it can feel so easy to be overwhelmed by the many.
All those positive and motivational clips I have received about the change in us through this crisis. Left feeling like the bridesmaid who doesn’t want to catch the bouquet as they hit the ground with a thud.
Although some very simple images from a close friend have caught me in a place of feeling something. An appreciation of the thought, the beauty of her choices and what captures her eye and just feeling so lucky to have met this truly wonderful person who doesn’t know her own magic and I am able to call my friend. That feels very special indeed.

I was reminded (as I wrote something really quickly this morning (that fell out of my head as fast as I could type it) of a story I once read many years ago that has always been a favourite of mine. Death of a salesman by Arthur Miller. It resonated with me as a kid in the same way as it does now. It’s all about falling through the cracks.

I found myself last night thinking about the upbeat video that black panther sent me yesterday that represented so much of how I have always felt in life. He thought I would love it.
My theory that what if the world gave us a way of seeing all our magic and being able to use it in other ways. I should have loved it as it talked about remembering a time when….
and yet I never felt so cynical as I watched it thinking, what a lovely concept for the people in a position to be able to consider that..

A position that was so clearly evident as I watched 3 men sitting squashed together in a dust truck last night to pick up the overflowing rubbish bins. Seems even in this time of cutting back we can still generate an ocean damaging amount of rubbish.
While all those people contemplating the beauty of this experience in connecting to others and spending time with their loved ones, I thought what about all the people who feel the opposite. Whose lives might be difficult for a multitude of different reasons and won’t look back with fondness and in fact will look forward with even more worry.
Their voices muted so as not to bring down the positive vibe of others. I get it. It’s hard enough as it is so being around positivity is the way to get through it.
But for who to get through it?
And I once again found myself reminded how all the people who are essential in this moment are also the lowest paid.
Even doctors relative to other professions aren’t as minted as say a money market dealer.
Nurses, Care workers, delivery drivers, supermarket staff, refuse collectors .. the list keeps going with one big thing in common.
They are all at the bottom end of the pay spectrum.
But right now the most important people in the world. All the time actually when you think about it and yet only when we sweep aside all the other fluff, are we able to see it a little more clearly.
When we talk about the enlightenment in remembering what happened during this time, will we be reevaluating what price tag we place against the importance of people’s roles in society..
or will al those people remembering the good times of connecting to others, trot back to their self important roles that didn’t mean a single thing through this period.
No personal offence intended I’m just asking the question. A question of what might feel important to the people who aren’t in a position to enjoy the enlightening and coming together experience of others.

People can feel marginalised In many different ways and while others are all coming together I wonder about all those who feel like they are falling through the cracks.

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