I love early mornings. I can stay up all day and all night but if I have to choose i would always pick an early morning. And todays was spectacular. I saw the sun shining above the pond with its rays extending out like I would have drawn the sun when I was five years old. Like I would draw the sun now.
I turned a corner yesterday evening. As I saw the sun melting a hole through some dark clouds. It was like the sun was a spaceship and it landed in my forest to give me a message. And I heard it loud and clear. Totally in my face and blinding me.
And immediately I sent it to all the people that are special to me. And also to a couple of the groups I feel detached from. Of course no one in those groups responded but I didn’t care. It was just a gesture in caring even if I find impossible to connect that way.
What I felt though was an overwhelming feeling of genuine. I instinctively wanted to share with people who I love and I thought might appreciate it. And of course they all responded. Which made me happy because I knew they had a little piece of that sunshine each if they couldn’t see or feel it where they were.
But I took my piece of it too. It landed in front of me and asked me to see it. I couldn’t help but see it. It was like it knew my flame had gone out and it came especially to relight me. And it did. I felt like I could do anything.
Remembering again that crazy girl in Milan who was soooooo happy. That’s who I am and want to be. Because she rocks!
She feels the magic even in dark times. She has been squashed, laughed at, put down and told that she can’t live in the real world.
Only she cones to life in the real world. On her own and around others. But she has to be able to breathe. And she is a sensitive too. Just be nice to her and she will happily be your friend too.
Ive been spending all my time quietly being what everyone else wants me to be and never being who I am. Till I didn’t even care about me anymore. What’s the point. It isn’t me. It’s everyone else’s stuff drowning me. I couldn’t even feel me.
But not anymore. This girl this morning rose at 6.30 and at 7 skipped out of the door into the sunshine and crossed the road into the forest which was completely empty. I didn’t see a person for ages as I danced along listening to a play list that is just giving them out to me. The right song in the right moment and todays is no different. It hit me as I took a photo of the five year old sun and I kept it on repeat for ages as I waved and smiled at people I passed. It’s so friendly early morning. I love being in the magic of real.
When I stopped and stood directly in the sunshine with my head back arms out I let the next tune play randomly.
A song about another chance . Could not have smiled more in that moment as I danced in the sunshine like no one was watching. Even though several people passed me and I saw them smile.
I can’t make all the changes I want to make right now and perhaps I can’t be that girl where I sit right now. But I am going to feel her inside and let her loose in moments like this morning so that when the time comes that I have another chance to make life what I want it to be I’m gonna fucking go for it. No limits, no excuses, no looking back.
Because this girl knows how to live love and be happy ❤️
And I own THAT!!!