Alpha or Arthur

I have a friend. Arthur. A complete gentle giant. Totally logical. He’s a big fan of those who aren’t which is the majority of his friends. In fact he is the only logical friend in the group so you would think his voice would be drowned out completely.
I like him because he looks out for me. He is clever and funny but he also always sees the danger for me.
And he will always try and tell me. Although I rarely listen properly. I hear it but often don’t want to hear it. Laughing at him for being so measured when in fact he is the person who makes the most sense and makes me feel the safest.
He never tells me what to do, or tells me who I am or tries to change me.
He likes me just as I am in all my crazy emotional and caring ways. And he always wants me to be happy. Watching me quietly knowing that I will no doubt fuck up but always being a quiet voice of reason if I need it.
He doesn’t mind being ignored. He knows at some point I will come looking for answers.
Sometimes I think he has more influence over me than I might give him credit for

He laughs at those alphas who think they are giants but are in fact usually very average. The volume of their voices being the biggest part of them or the other superficial stuff that people seem to so love.
It was the same when we were at school.
I’ve met quite a few through the years. Arthur normally points them out to me as the archetypes.
If you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all he says. Little people.
They come in different guises but fundamentally they usually have that sense of entitlement and an arrogance.
People often call it confidence but he thinks it is born of insecurity. But I like a lot of those archetypal alphas even though they rarely  influence me. When I think of Arthur I know that he would never want or care about being an alpha. He doesn’t care about influencing anyone. He prefers to be influenced by others. But he tries to be a good friend. And actually he is the friend that is most secure in who he is because he is like a walking oracle of experiences. Although he actually says very little. He is solid in all his heavyweight
fundamentals that a born of values.
He might sometimes after a few drinks shimmy across a dance floor when he is drunk but he is happier just watching out for me and advising me in those around me. Who can be trusted, who really cares and who those alphas are.
I think he knows that I am much more influenced by similar types to him. They have much more influence for me  in their quiet presence even though they can go unnoticed by the many. How can that be I think, but Arthur says, look through history. It’s very rare their voices are really heard. But when they do surface to the many their impact is legendary. And then he usually quotes Lady Di to me, knowing how much I loved her.

I often laugh to myself at all the wisdom that is missed by ears that talk and don’t listen. And then I think, I must listen to Arthur a little more.
I spoke to him yesterday about a feeling I had that came out of nowhere and was shaped like a daisy. He understood why it resonated. He has known me forever so he certainly has got used to all the symbols and metaphors that create meaning for me.
It all goes into his oracle.
He asked me why? What was my need in sharing. For me or for them? And my response was .. Both.. I still love them. I just don’t want to be part of it beyond that feeling. Groups have never been or will ever be my thing and that is to do with me not them. But I do want them to know that I care. Because I really do or it wouldn’t have hurt me so much. I always will care. About all of then. Even if we don’t fit.
His nod gave me licence to briefly share before I quietly returned back to the shadows. I feel so much happier there.

He might not be an alpha but I like that Arthur is a gentle giant who lifts me up into the clouds and tries to keep me safe.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s