Little Thoughts

I was inspired last night as I fell asleep by little thoughts. Little thoughts from an important place. I drifted off to sleep just after I replied.

Right now I am looking for inspirations. When I was a kid I loved to read. Mainly fantastical stories that took you to other worlds. The sort of worlds that live in my head as I walk around and see them.
But as I got older I spent less time reading and more time out in the world observing and being part of all that surrounded me.

I was thinking the other day when I was in the forest that when i was in my early twenties that in fact my favourite trips were in the Austrian mountains. Not skiing in the winter… Riding my bike in the summer. I’ve been there 4 times. I preferred the gentleness and innocence of my first trip there with P eating apple strudel and making love on a mountain in the sunshine than I did on all those crazy beach holidays with friends. Of course I had fun there but even if I think of more recent times when I went to Barcelona on a girls trip about 5 years ago now(blimey is it that how long it is). We were there for 3 days and I slept for about 4 hours in the entire time. I stayed up dancing on the beach outside the clubs all night.
But my favourite moments in fact being when I walked ahead of everyone else along the beach on the way back from dancing all night. Feeling that early morning sun. Still in my party dress with no shoes on, feeling like I wanted to twirl in the quiet and freedom.

Why am I made this way I think.
My earliest memories are of being smacked. My dad being iron fisted. Rules and more rules and to break them would see you severely punished. Finding myself always in trouble for being such a day dreamer. And the more trouble I got in the clumsier I became and the more trouble I got in and the more I would be punished.

And yet I think I have spent most of my life in a day dream.

I remember watching Big Fish once and relating to it so much. There is a giant in that too come to think of it. Perhaps I was inspired from that when I thought about Arthur. A mixture of all the gentle giants of my life and the one Inside me.
The story was a life replicated in fantasy but oh so very real in feeling. What a truly beautiful movie that is.
I hope that I transform into a glittering and golden butterfly who sparkles.
Only one person has ever told me I sparkle. I hold that word like a treasure and that person more dearly in my heart than they could possibly know.  Simple, magic, perfect love.

Inspirations are what I am seeking and I’m not even sure why. But not just anyone. Great people of history. Wanting to know who they are beyond what they did.
Einstein and Gandhi being my current people of interest. There is something so fascinating in both of them. In my very limited knowledge right now I am drawn to some kind of purity within them. Almost childlike but with such a strength of conviction. I guess I will discover more as I research.

And mythical stories also that I have stumbled on but have left me wanting to understand a little more.
Orpheus is the story that was given to me by a song I found that was so beautiful in its depiction.
I am fascinated and mesmerised by so much.
I wish I had more time. Quite often I wish I was furloughed just so I had this current time. I could read and walk and think and write.
Although I don’t want to order books through amazon. I will hope my little local bookshop will survive and I will buy them there after. Instant gratification has long lasting repercussions.
I have plenty of unread books on the shelf. Amazing books actually that I have never read. My girl is making her way through some.

Anyways I need to get ready for work but they are my little thoughts and inspirations of this morning. I like this little moment of quiet before my day begins.


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