As I lay in the forest someone mentioned to me about the special time with my girl.
I found myself thinking about how little of that I have now and how much I miss the time that I used to get with her when it was just the two of us.
People who are similar tend to stick together. They like the same stuff. They laugh at the same things, talk the same way and they just get each other. That’s how it is with my girl and P.
They are two peas in a pod. They adore each other. If I wanted her to have the kind of dad/daughter relationship I always wanted then I totally succeeded on every level.
I never feel jealous of what they have. I know we have something really special too. But given the choice she tends to prefer to be around him.
And added to that right now I am the only one working and I’m working a lot. They tend to go running together or for walks, they have special programmea they like to watch together. So I look forward to those odd little moments of time I get like gogglebox on a Friday night.
Often I feel like an outsider in the flat. But I’ve found a way to adapt to the way it works. It won’t always be this way.
And I’m used to doing my own thing. I’m comfortable in that.
But I would be lying if I said that sometimes it doesn’t get to me. I never feel like I’m at home.
I worked my little socks off to create something wonderful all those years ago. And Sometimes that feels what my purpose is in life. To create the magic for others and then sit and watch while they live it.
I would like to make some magic for myself when my girl goes off to university and I am free to create something more for myself. Whatever that might be.
But in the meantime I will keep on dreaming. I can feel my confidence growing again and in these little moments when I am suddenly caught by doubt, I remind myself to believe a little more.