As the sun disappears so does the pressure in trying to keep some focus in getting the job done. I felt so much better again over the last couple of days.
Sometimes my blog is the valve that allows me to release feelings.
Good and bad. I can get very excitable and if I have nowhere to share it I can feel like I’ll explode like a fire cracker. And likewise if I feel under pressure doing things that aren’t part of my natural way of being but are a necessary part of surviving financially in the world I live in, I also need to release that frustration.
My blog is like my friend. The one that won’t judge me for being overly emotional and irrational.
That can take a little rant that I wouldn’t share in the real world.
I don’t want to offend or hurt anyone. We are all just trying to find out way in life.
When I talk to my friend called blog I feel better in letting it drift away so I can try and float along happily again. Often I’m repeating myself. I wish I was a constant source of more interesting and exciting. But I’m just me, going along in life trying to be the best version of who I am and growing and evolving in little ways all the time. Maybe not in ways that take the crowd by storm but I know. And when I get rid of those emotions from a moment that has gone, I hope that it will help me to find myself in a newer and better one.
Releasing my emotions of feeling hard done by gave me a new feeling of wishing to try and make stuff happen for myself. Behind the release of self pity came self motivation.
Having seen an email about a possible scholarship for a writing course I thought fuck it, I fit the criteria of not being able to afford it, let’s write those 3000 words.
So I did. I sat down and wrote the opener to the book that has been in my mind for ages. I made it happen. Well the start of it. And I felt so happy. Not caring about the whether I get the scholarship or not. But because I know that hidden behind my fears and worries and all the unfairness of life that will always exist (no virus is gonna change that shit) I have gumption. Get up and go. A continual effort to make things happen. And often they don’t. And there are more barriers and unfairness and I get frustrated and fearful. But then I have another go and another go and just maybe if I keep trying, eventually I will push my way through. Always knowing that all that effort and trying gives so much more to me than what lays on the other side. It’s what builds the character of a lifetime so that when I take my last breath I can think, I feel well proud of that effort at life. Nice one girl.
Oh and just for good measure I also applied with my friend Bibi to “Race around the world”
Because just as if I’m on repeat, If I am gonna Try, I thought, then Dream Bigger !!!! 😊