Silent for a moment

I deleted two posts the other day. Two more today.
I can’t quite put my finger on why.
It’s like I’m thinking out loud but my thoughts are fleeting. Like I’m flitting from here to there to here. Never settling often contradicting. It feels chaotic but I feel calm.
In between looking after others and working I am quietly exploring and investigating.
Watching things, reading things, searching for things to educate, inspire, motivate and provide some version of intellectual, mental and emotional stimulation.
That part of me fighting with the person who writes. I don’t want to heat my thoughts. I wish to hear the thoughts of others.
When I delete I feel like I’m trying to silence myself for a moment.
Creating a space from the virtual world I don’t feel part of because it feels smaller despite its size. Looking for different than the same. Wanting to find what I don’t know.

Today I read messages from the four women friends that I feel closest to. That I trust the most.
Am image, a statement and a three way convo.
Their friendship provides me with something solid.
Holding the best of what it means to be a woman

I’m glad that I have that safe place to be especially while I try to be silent for a moment.

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