Sometimes little stepping stones lead me to somewhere new.
Thoughts and feelings that I hold inside that make sense to me in my own personal way that haven’t been framed by any particular influence only the way I live my life and who I wish to be in this world.
My reminder of a film that captured the imagination of a kid who has always felt a bit different led me to look at the meaning of words and elements of the culture that surrounded it.
As I related to the broken bonsai tree that was split in a moment of good intentions. The big mistake that was felt in taking it from its safe place where it was sheltered and being protected. The deeply felt sadness in feeling I had ruined what once existed that felt so very alive and well.
A naivety felt in not knowing what might result in choices that were made completely from the heart.
To feel so much like that little bonsai tree which felt so completely broken and seemingly beyond repair.
And yet with time love and care it eventually mended and was able to flower again. It’s strong roots providing the ability to self heal.
A process that is very much ongoing in myself.
The wonder of enlightening moments as I naturally feel these thoughts when I relate in my own childlike way to something only to then find a deeper and more spiritual meaning as I investigate a little more. To find these thoughts and feelings in philosophies that I know nothing about.
An internal and natural learning that comes without books and education but then find some place as I curiously investigate what sits behind things that are completely new to me.
Hesitant in wishing to ride down the road of one trail of thought or other in books. Not wanting to limit my thinking by attaching to anything in its entirety. But in this very moment today really liking the connection to something that resonates with me and might hold more learning in a way I wish to learn.
And now connecting to some stepping stones that didn’t hold meaning on their own but when connected together have suddenly become an unconscious part of the point that I have reached without trying to get there. Was there additional guidance without me realising as I think back to the Japanese garden that I walked through and the closed Buddhist temple that was shared with me but caught a little glimpse of it through a tiny gap in the fence. At the time being collected and held amongst all the other various wonders but holding no relevance.
And yet as my internet searches took me from one brief description to another I stopped as I found myself in Humanistic Buddhism and felt an unexpected fit to the quiet root of who I am.
And a wish to understand more.
“Humanism means to me
I’ve got the opportunity
To realize that I am free
To take responsibility.
To me, it doesn’t seem so odd
That many people pray to God
Whenever they are feeling low —
It’s just the way they have to go.
But when I do not know the way
I do not feel the need to pray.
I use my brain to figure out
What the problem’s all about.
I’m grateful that I have my eyes
To see the beauty of the skies,
I’m glad I have my ears to hear
The voices of my friends so dear.
But best of all, my brains the one
That figures out what must be done
To help me run a better race,
To make the world a better place.”
This has made me feel very happy as I go off to cut the grass and potter around in the quiet and isolation of my own little garden.
And strongly feeling a wish to grow my own little bonsai tree.