Rain

Living at the top of a house is just wonderful and perfect for me. Just as the skylights look up at the stars I also feel the full wonder on a rainy morning. Lying in the dark as the rain comes down hard on those windows above me. Such a beautiful sound and feeling especially when I have no need to go anywhere.

There is something so very romantic and sexy about rain and just the sound of it surrounding me is taking me to that place.

With the right person being in rain  is simply magical.
To be soaked through to the skin and then frantically removing those items of clothing from each other to be able to feel the warmth from each other’s skin. I think that may be the ultimate in fuckable moments. Actually I don’t think, it totally is.

As I’m lying here alone listening to this rain I’m realising that I absolutely love the freedom to be me but a big part of being me is physical intimacy. And I am missing that .. A LOT!!!

Happiness in Sharing and Solitude

For one who has always found more energy in being around others I’m constantly discovering another part of me that feels energy, magic and happiness all by myself.
I am a sharer. No point in pretending because I totally am. In fact I am fascinated by the principle of sharing. There is a huge difference between self reliance and a natural urge to want to share. The two things are completely unrelated and I see this more and more. Sharing is huge part of my make up. It’s how I make decisions, learn, feel and relate. My happiness is somehow entwined in this and when I think of this blog it somehow fulfils a need in me where other outlets aren’t available. Although sharing for me is like absolutely everything else, a two way street. I assume and hope that others will reciprocate without being asked. Weirdly I find myself drawn to people who are the opposite of that. I wondered recently if that is because my mum is everything I am but an introverted version.

She always says to me that she loves my excitable.

Im not a sharer because I’m needy. I mean, when I struggled I was the neediest I’ve ever been in my life. Not a feeling I liked or felt comfortable with. But I’ve come to accept that It didn’t make me less it just made me human. Neediness feels like it has all but disappeared other than perhaps showing itself in little insecurities that still exist and probably always will to a point. If there is a person in this world who is totally secure in every single sense of the word then I salute you. But I do find myself wondering if you feel anything.
Anyways sharing..
Despite not feeling needy I still have a huge desire to share. And I’m realising that needy and sharing are very different beasts. Sharing for me is more about giving and taking magic that comes in thoughts, experiences and emotions. There is something so basically human in sharing. I find very little pleasure in eating a whole bag of sweets myself. I love sweets but I don’t want to eat all of them. In fact I want to try some of yours. There is something wonderful in knowing what those same sweets taste like to someone else. Of course it’s fine if they don’t want to try them. They can eat their own and not share but I guess that just feels so unfamiliar for me. I would always rather swap you some of mine for some of yours. It makes for more variety.
Think miniature heroes. a wispa, cream egg and dairy milk rather than 3 dairy milks.

But.. and it’s quite a big but.. there are moments of solitude where I just want to take my share of those sweets somewhere very quiet and enjoy them all by myself. So that I can really taste them. How else can I share that taste if I don’t know what that is. And just sometimes.
Today was one of those times having been surrounded by people constantly all week which I really love, but is increasingly tiring in the depth of what that looks like and so I just need a slight rest from it.
But even then in a slightly different way.

So this morning I woke up early and happily rolled around in my bed because it’s so comfy and I’m up early every single day. A moment of lie in felt pretty epic. I had a brief but beautiful moment of seeing the sun shining across the forest from my bedroom window and I instantly felt alive.
So I headed into that magical place of unknown, to discover what lay beneath those frosty treetops. But as I started my adventure with various thoughts and feelings, I shared them with the people that mattered to me in differing ways. I try to pick the right sweets for the right person.
My “take” is having a place beyond myself to capture these feelings My “give” is to pass on my excitement and wonder in the hope they will feel that in all its undiluted intensity to feel able to “take” in return.
But if you are not a sharer I’m guessing that this can look very much like “take take”.

As I walked deeper into that forest it became mine. Like disappearing into my child within, who sees the fantasy of what is living around me. Hearing every sound.. the wind, a voice floating in the breeze, the various birds singing, cars in the distance or those sounds that take me back, in this case some machine being used in someones garden. Hearing that sound is like I’m lying on my bed in the summer, window open and net curtain blowing in the warm breeze and daydreaming about marrying the popstars on my posters.

And the sights… intricate formations of tree stumps, or a little bridge across a ditch. Or the maze of possible paths to be taken and imagining  where they might lead and what magic I might find,  and the patterns in the mud and the branches of the trees and the colour of the leaves and the way the sunlight hits certain parts of the forest  and and….

I found myself lost and conpletely alone as I walked deeper and deeper into a place that could have been “the road to terabithia”. I watched that last week with my girl and laughed when she said “you’re like that weird kid who creates a world out of nothing” Perfectly correct and weirdo girl I may be but at this point I should say I became very aware of being a woman deep in the forest all by myself with no one around. I have a feeling this would feel very different for a man. And despite the fact that I don’t want to restrict myself in my adventures I’m also acutely aware of my own safety and the limitations that can bring as a woman not just here but in so many places. Perhaps if I didn’t have my girl I would care less. But my responsibilities to her trump everything and remind me to take care. Even lovely L messaged me to take care ❤️
So I ventured just a little further in isolation and found a half frozen lake. I have been missing my special place of 18 months which I strolled to so easily and safely. This was beautiful but it didn’t have quite the same appeal. Bigger and better I’m sure but that’s never been an attraction for me. Ive always preferred understated with hidden wonder that comes to life and sparkles when no one is looking. That was my old pond and it’s still in walking distance but I’m sure I’ll enjoy this one too.
As I ventured back with no sense of direction in where I was or where I was going I had a magical moment in finding a swing tied to a tree hidden in a quiet spot of nowhere. So hidden it could be easily missed if you didn’t know it was there. I didn’t know but I didn’t miss it. As I swung quietly in the morning sunshine With No one around other than my friends the trees, and a couple of cheeky squirrels, my happiness was taken to a beautiful place of peacefulness.
Just swinging.. not thinking, not dreaming, not wondering, and not SHARING… just swinging. It was all I needed just for that moment. Simple and easy and perfect.
There in nowhere was my new special place for moments of solitude. As I walked back I thought, will I find my way to that special place of solitude again? Yes.. of that I have no doubt.
And then I thought, I’ll be wanting to share this magic in my blog.

You can’t suppress what you are.
So share I am… with gratitude 😊 xxx

 

Because I was Free

Wow!!! One month into my magical lucky number year and I’m feeling pretty incredible.
19 is my roulette number.. It signifies so much and is all about taking a chance in this one life we are given and making it count. Number 19 ..First chip down and bam 💥 36-1 and my fiver turns into 180 quid. Haven’t been to a casino for a while… I feel like my luck is in and will put that on my list of things to do this year. To take a gamble on some unpredictable magic is a chance worth taking. I learnt that a long time ago and it paid off until that luck ran out. But the magic did not. To sparkle even as a loser is to sparkle more brightly. And that extra sparkle makes me a winner.
So what of my month. Well it has been treasured for every moment of every day which has gone beyond even by my own standards.
Not that I’ve done anything of any real magnitude or excitement.
Well no that’s a little bit understated. I moved!!!
Like a Cinderella story of rags to riches.
Totally feeling like a princess in my new world amongst all my busy with candle lit bath times, relaxing evenings with a glass of vino listening to music and lost in my own thoughts within the warm glow of contentment and heating.
I can almost remember myself on a freezing cold night like this last year. Hanging  out under my duvet with a cheap heater at full blast hugging my of course red hot water bottle. Distant memory of another time and another girl.
No such shenanigans these days.
Hanging out under my duvet from now on will be a much more pleasurable experience. I’ll put all my chips on that gamble.
Something in me has come back to life. The part that was lost for a while when I had felt so broken at times, more than anyone would have ever been able to see despite having to live it out in front of many eyes. Some eyes that saw so much, some that saw nothing and some that judged in what they didn’t understand. Eyes tell such a story. It is my most favourite part of a persons physicality. There is such truth in eyes being a window to a persons soul. You can see everything you need to if you look hard enough. Even this morning on the tube when it was so busy I looked out of the tube window and caught the eyes of a heavily pregnant young woman standing in the cold waiting for a safer entrance to the tube. Our eyes met and we smiled at each other. She felt my care for her being in the cold and caught in the bustle of tube traffic and I felt her thanks for me noticing. When I look into the eyes of someone I care about it’s like I can see everything they want me to see but so much more beyond. What a magical thing that is.

I feel like I’m happily hibernating but living so much in that. I’m enjoying every single little joy that the day affords me. I am laughing like me. I laugh all the time. It’s who I am because I find joy in the tiniest of things. The things that some people don’t see but for me are like a blanket around everything else.
I started the new year feeling so excited and ready for the adventure ahead and then suddenly caught by the fear that comes from sadness. I’ve felt that sadness in every way a person can over so much time and I took the decision to feel my own new found and fought for happiness instead. Not selfishly. I’m not in the business of bringing others sadness. Ever!!! But what do you do when you are completely broken. You fix a little bit at a time. It’s not easy and sometimes you have to fix and refix again until after all that hard work you find yourself in a place of being shiny and new but more importantly and even better that the heart of what was broken still remains in tact, untarnished and as girlishly sweet and purely beautiful as it has always been. More than anything that makes me happy.

Because to have ended up cynical and bitter would mean that I had lost myself. The very essence of who I am. The magic, the dreams, the love. Its everything I am and it’s that simple.

And those judging eyes are no longer able to penetrate that because this heart knows that they came from their own unwillingness to look at it in themselves.
To feel better than someone else is to not dare to look at yourself. I’ve definitely looked at myself. Its not all Disney and I’m definitely not perfect but there is more I like than not. Which feels a pretty amazing thing to say and even more so to believe.
So January in all its tiny and insignificant details has felt like a most wonderful and beautiful world to live in. And I’m totally ready for some more hibernation in February… although I do have a fun party to go to in a converted old cinema and three days away with my boys by the seaside. Now that’s gonna be an interesting residential.
I thought this morning after a friends message that says very little but always means a lot that I am like a bacon butty. It’s simple and unfancy, it doesn’t pretend to be what it’s not, it has a lot of sauce, can bring enormous pleasure and at its best will make anyone feel better and happier especially after a hangover.

And so although this month I have said a lot … That’s my January!

 

When Cynical Logic and Dreamy Love Collide

This thought has been sitting with me for a couple of weeks and then found its way out into something yesterday. A couple of weeks ago someone liked one of my posts and my instant reaction was of course to look at theirs.
And the world of dreamy love and cynical logic collided and made me smile so much.
There was something so wonderful for me in reading about the scientific and data driven formula of gaining likes. Namely systematically liking everyones blog without reading a word. It made me smile so much that I felt the need to leave a comment. I felt really happy to be one of the many that was boosting their dream of a million likes. Easy way to make someone happy. One click and my work was done. And my reward was his comment back saying of all the data he had collected so far, mine, left with a message, was his favourite to date. He hadn’t read my blog but he had read my comment to him which in short was that I was wishing him to be the most liked ever!!! I loved that our worlds had collided.
I guess dreamy love and cynical logic were both smiling.
And these thoughts found their way back into my world yesterday when for me it was all about logical thinking. Dreams on the back burner as I had to sift through the cold hard facts of financial organisation, trying to juggle the last little funds at my disposal to see my way to a returned 6 months deposit which will soften my world in the interim, and a car that I had forgotten required an MOT that day and in a hurry had to book in last minute, 15 minutes before the garage closed. Good job I have such an understanding boss who let me leave early today to pick it up. In all my dreaminess I very often forget the tasks and necessities of real life that require organisation and planning. Something that doesn’t really come naturally to me and which is often evident in a big pile of unopened letters which at some point I get to.
Admin is not my gift for sure but I usually muddle my way through it. Even eating can get forgotten, preferring ready meals, takeaways and sandwiches as a quick non time stealer from other pleasures.
I always love when people spend 15 minutes talking me through a beautiful quick and easy recipe which I enjoy in the same way as cooking programmes. Seeing another persons passion in such things and their joy in sharing which is so appreciated but knowing that although i will absolutely remember their happy satisfaction in helping me, I will completely forget what any of the ingredients were.
I often wonder what It might be like if I had more of a logical mind that considered the importance of things that would probably make my life more organised and less chaotic and give some structure, purpose, direction and clarity in decisions.. And a good hearty meal at the end of a day.
I’ve tried it, a little, but it left me feeling a bit bored, tired and frustrated. I can’t hang about for the details when there are so many more exciting things on the horizon or knocking about in my head. Even someone at work mentioned pensions today. I think they are bringing in something new and asked if I wanted to be on the poster with a colleague for why you might want to change to the new version. I never laughed so much at the thought of being the poster girl for logical and considered decisions in financial matters. Hilarious, considering my current financial situation and the fact that I have a load of pensions from places I’ve worked which will feel like a magical surprise in years to come when I see how much or little I have (if I can remember what they are). Makes me chuckle just thinking about it.
I reached the end of yesterday feeling exhausted by logic Althougb I had taken some refuge in dreany with a very brief detour to Cambridge on a whim with absolutely no purpose. Loved that!
As I travelled back on the tube from the MOT garage I suddenly received a comment from someone who had also read my comment and said it made her laugh. When I immediately read her blog I found myself mesmerised, fascinated and educated in the thoughts of a Muslim woman sharing her world and beliefs in a way that resonated with me on so many levels. Her ideas of beauty, simplicity and empowerment made me feel very connected and proud to be a fellow woman in the diversity of this very beautiful and magical world. And suddenly I was totally back in dreamy wonder where I belong.

With a final offering from a friend this morning who had lived a version of a dream he had described once, which I could totally picture at the time, remained in my memory and made smile so much in its fruition.

I’m not sure this post is meant to go anywhere other than random thoughts. Sometimes it’s quite nice to just put them somewhere to make room for the next. But in amongst all of the details there was something very special in the connection between Cynical Logic and Dreamy Love which has taken me on another magical mystery tour in my head in what was probably on the surface a very non descript day. Or maybe I’m just able to find the dreamy behind the logic.

School of Conformity

Today as I took a walk I have been thinking about all the lost potential that falls through the cracks of conformity.
And it makes me mad.
Because every Saturday I see and hear the most fantastical, amazing and wondrously beautiful potential which blows me away and leaves me totally inspired.
And thinking, how can we harness all this untapped hidden magic that lies beneath which joined together has the ability to create a world beyond all imagination. And that same thought flashes through my mind every single week.
This magic shouldn’t be contained in a room.
Why is it that these kids fall through the cracks just because they don’t conform to the standard.
And that thought then leaves me wondering why the very foundations of our educational system have remained unchanged since.. well since forever!!! I’d give you the dates but I was never much interested in those boring facts when I was at school!
So they change the leaving age, they give us grammar, comprehensive, private, academy, selective blah blah etc etc schools, O levels, A levels, CSE”s GCSe”s SATs/no SATs
But all this shit is the equivalent of calling a Marathon a Snickers. What real difference does it make. It’s just a wrapper covering the same product.
And if you happen to be a consumer, this product manages to leave you stressing a little more at the risk of falling through the cracks to a life of nothing.
What I’m thinking about is the way we fundamentally think about education or as I would prefer to think about it .. inspiring a passion in kids to learn about and develop everything they are through a whole lifetime to reach their wonderful potential.
It’s like, during the time we have made amazing scientific leaps in finding cures for once deadly diseases, sending people to the moon or creating a web that links the whole world.. the way we educate is in exactly the same format that it has always been. Someone tell me how it has evolved and I don’t mean computer white boards and PayPal for lunches. What I mean is we make them a number and sit them in a building in classrooms with a teacher at the front who has to make them all learn the same things. So that they can then take the same tests as a way of comparing their clever.. what a crock.. really!!!
In all these years this is still the best we can come up with. Comparing apples with oranges and kiwi and mango and pears, using that same tired and unsuccessful for many format. Where the hell is the innovation and evolution of thinking in any of that.
I guess it works perfectly to seamlessly transfer them on to the mind numbing  robotic conveyabelt of a life we all know and recognise.

Where is the test of individualism and uniqueness. All those qualities that sit within a person and where the real magical power lives. What might a world look like full of that.
How does anyone really flourish and reach their potential through this very simplistic and basic format where independent thinking is positively discouraged and labelled The trouble maker. shouldn’t this planet be awash with geniuses imagining a totally different way to live and work together where everyone’s unique qualities are tapped into. Rather than the few who suit this system of comparison and churn us round and round in the never ending system of same.
Do I have the answers. No I don’t. But I have thoughts, ideas and I give a shit. But what I find myself wondering is
“Is there anyone else out there who is even thinking about it., questioning it, talking about it. Or will this same system still be in place in the next century.”

How can I see such dramatic changes to the London skyline through my lifetime and yet the corner stone of developing our kids looks no different to the day I started at school, or my parents before me or theirs.  Surely there has to be another completely different way of starting a child’s journey to potential than putting their bum on a classroom seat and saying learn this whether you are interested or not otherwise you will be a loser in this game of life.
Can’t help wondering if the reason this system is completely unchanged is because it keeps all those same  types as winners!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Quiet Superheroes Assemble!

How a thought builds for me even when I’m quietly and happily doing nothing. My brain keeps whirring and something inside me captures all the elements around me from different moments in a way that fuels the power that sits sleepily underneath.
Yesterday I strolled along to work feeling easy breezy, perfectly smiley and after receiving a message from a friend, resting from limitless possibilities in favour of a big fry up with lots of fried bread. Nice!!!
Life is good. All my hard work and determination has paid off and I’m strolling.
It feels chilled, relaxing, easy. I wandered into my workplace. Quiet .. all my boys are out today, I can just get on with my stuff.
And then WHAM!!!!
My Justice League  assembled. By email. And completely out of nowhere. I talk to these guys a lot about life, not specific to mine but freely sharing our thoughts beyond the trivial small talk. Although we can talk tacky shit too. They knew I moved at the weekend and were really happy for me. They always message me to tell me I”m great but on this occasion there was something so timely and magically coincidental in their messages to me. Like we were connected and they knew what has been on my mind. These boys see me in a whole other way to a lot of other men I’ve known. I like that. And this came from two directions from two very different men .. Superman and Black Panther (Yes I know he”s not justice league but that’s totally who he says he wants to be and who he totally is) in different styles but both had the same impact. Firing up my passion and making that sleepy one not only emerge but rise in such a powerful way that the energy generated would have lit up the whole bloody world.
And I loved it. It felt awesome! It said yeah I can be an average and easy going girl but that’s not everything I am.  I’m superhuman special and I want to kick fearful girl up the arse because I’m ready to rise as the woman that has lived inside this girl from when she was very little. Not aggressive, angry, selfish or uncaring. This woman has strength, compassion, integrity, values, resilience, bravery, wonder, passion and beautifully contagiously happy fun.  She”s been quietly doing her work from within but in this moment found herself suddenly wanting to emerge to show the whole world exactly what she is made of.
She is an army on her own and there is nothing that she cannot do. Kickass doesn’t describe her because her powers are more subtle. They are all in her heart and mind (and yeah maybe a little kickass too 😉)  Her belief in things that have meaning are what she is about and she will use everything she has to follow her heart.
And it just needed another couple of superheroes to kick her into action. Perhaps it takes a fully fledged superhero to recognise one that is beginning to believe in her own powers.
It feels a bit strange to describe myself that way. On the surface I am pretty unassuming and might easily be missed by those who struggle to see beyond what stands in front of them. But like all superheroes it’s good to have alter ego and I can say it here,  as my secret identify remains in tact within this blog.

Because I have no desire to be a pushy, loud and opiniated powerhouse. They totally have a place, I’m fascinated by them and in the name of balance they are absolutely needed in this world. But fuck it, I have powers. And my quiet power totally shows itself in gentle dreamy and genuine care and the ability to find good however bad something looks. When they were giving out superpowers I struck lucky and if you asked me now if I would want to swap them I would say “No way!!!” The power to feel is one that takes me everywhere and anywhere. It’s what creates the possibilities and then live them and nothing can defeat that.
As the psych told me, being fearless doesn’t mean you can’t be afraid. In fact being afraid gives you the drive you need to become more than you ever think possible.
And if you’re gonna trust in anyone then Superman would be the man. He knows exactly what he is talking about and it all comes from an amazing and good place.
So rise I will. Biding my time for the right moment to unleash the whole lot. And when I do be ready for the reverberations. Because this Wonder Woman is totally on a mission and her mission is to live life to the max, taking risks and chances to make stuff happen,  but being proud of being a soft and warm girl who laughs, smiles, and dances as she does it. I mean even superheroes know how to party!!!!
And you don’t need to shout the loudest to be one.

So Quiet Superheroes … Assemble! ❤️

 

 

 

Happiness in snowy dreams

I love walking home in the dark in the snow. How beautifully magical is that. The world looks so different behind a flurry of snow which feels cold on your face and makes your cheeks rosy red when you hit the warmth. I always say things are in the timing and it could not have been better in wandering five minutes from the tube station to my new palace that I feel so at home in already. Was I always here and I imagined everything before.
Although dreaming is so where I’m at today.
My pals at work shared in my excitement of my perfect pad. Unbelieving of the gift of where I’m living on my teeny tiny budget. It’s what dreams are made of. I have smiled every time I’ve walked through the door, pinching myself because only an angel could have guided me to this place in that moment. And oh so much more wonderful having experienced the struggle to get here. I’ve always believed that good things come after struggle and this proves it for me and If you are feeling my excitement or my gratitude it’s because my whole life has been about that. For all that makes me cry there is always so much more that makes me smile. And I think I will struggle to put this smile away.
So as I was walking I was thinking “what next?”
But in fact right at this moment I don’t care. Its cold outside and it’s warm in here and frankly Im very happy in my nice new warm place. Happy to venture out to my normal everyday and return to eutopia to sit and write and drink tea and paint my nails and eat chocolate biscuits and do little jobs and lie back on my settee listening to music and dream…
Doing absolutely nothing is looking very appealing to me right now. Maybe because I haven’t stopped doing and doing nothing is feeling like a marvellous novelty which I’m completely happy in and feeling no urgency to change that. I’m sure it won’t last forever but while it does I feel like I want to savour it, enjoy it, deserve it. I had forgotten what a difference it makes to have a place of cosy and safe and what that gives you.
And it makes me think as I often do of those who don’t have those most basic of entitlements and how my magical snow is a tough nights no sleep somewhere dangerous and cold.
Grateful doesn’t even come close as I write this.

So in my lucky I will dream. But what to dream of when I suddenly find myself living in it.

Others.. I’d like to find more time to make little tiny differences in things that mean something to me.
There are a million ways to spend a life but while I’m allowing myself to feel this beautiful happy it won’t be able to survive in isolation and through eyes that see.
I’m not exactly sure what yet but when I feel that care I will know.

Work.. I’m working hard. I have 2 jobs I love. The balance of those is just right in giving me the different elements I need to keep me interested, motivated and excited about the wealth of room to grow. I need to learn. Not in book style but through others. Both jobs give me that in different ways and I love meeting different people. They open my eyes in so many ways. Inspiring me to go in directions. And Im feeling ever more fearless to try things I don’t know if I can do. So although work feels under control perhaps I want to push to a place of less control. But slow and steady works for me. I’m pretty patient . I’ll arrive at the next stop when I’m meant to.

My girl.. spreading her wings more and more. Making me laugh on a regular basis in her thoughts of what she might like to do. Apply to Oxford and Cambridge so that she can say no ta not my scene. Become a member of the SAS. She’s in training with a million stomach crunches and walking up and down these new stairs carrying heavy stuff or becoming an ambulance paramedic, first on the scene to save a life. An interesting combo for the girl that loves to sing and dance. I love that she has dreams.. who knows where they will lead her but I always believe they will take her somewhere special. Because she has a unique, cynically funny and down to earth charm that is impossible not to be caught up in. She knows her own mind and I’m not messing with that.
Friends.. the best.. a totally wonderful mix of everyone which all mashed together make my world an interesting and fantastical place to live. The world cannot hold the love I feel for my closest and most special people. They bring something extra magical to cross the line to the deepest part of my heart. For those rare and wonderful treasured diamonds who would totally know who they are, a constant wishing for their dreams is what I give.

I foresee lots and lots of fun times ahead with friends but spontaneous is what I’m hoping for because I’m not really  a planner. And the best things of my life have always been the things I have just rocked up to without much thought. And I have rocked up to a lot on a whim.

Writing.. a little more time and relaxed space to do that. So much thoughts that wash around and sometimes have no other purpose than to just be thoughts. I like the randomness of them and seeing them on a page suddenly makes them disappear or morph into something completely new. I struggle so much to contain them but I don’t know why I’ve used so much energy trying. I don’t want to contain myself. Hear me or don’t but I always
feel much happier saying.

Travel.. yes I would love to. Not now while it’s cold and to travel in my way. Sharing it with others. The fun of those experiences are always in the people and never in the place. I see everything. It hits me from every angle and I’m captivated by the small things and never the big. But what I see more is the expressions of others in it with me. There’s my magic of travel in a new place. Everything I need is exactly where I am. The surroundings will fill me with joy for a moment but mine and others feelings are the part that is absorbed. I rarely take photos because I can’t capture those feelings on film. They are completely held within me and I could describe every place I’ve ever been to vividly in the thoughts and feelings that were shared. A travel guide I will never be unless you are interested in what it felt like. What I love is the difference in those feelings depending on where you are and the wonder that it creates. New, different and yet all under the same sky. So yes to travel and experience something different but with people I love who want to share that with me.

So what’s left.. Dancing.. . I want to dance everywhere I can… preferably outside under the sun on a beach or high up on a mountain under the stars or in warm rain in a crowded place where everyone decides to dance too.
And suddenly my dreaming overtakes me. Dreaming is dancing.
To dream and write feels wonderful but to just lie and be lost in dreams  is exactly where I’m heading because when i find myself in this place I just need to go with it……..